ideas, objects and LIFE -- self forgiveness

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value objects over life.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see our collective disregard of life.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that without the value, that is life, there is nothing else.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the word and meaning of value only exist from the lips of life.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dismiss the obvious needs of life and fix myself in an oblivious state.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value an idea in my head.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to move from the only value, that is life.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the value that i give an idea, in my head, is not real.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that, that which is real is here for all to see. it is not confined to my head like the value i give to ideas.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get swept away in the part and miss the whole.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the flag is a piece of fabric made from materials grown from the earth. that is it.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach a sense of entitlement and superiority to the flag. within this i disrespect life that is not held to any sense of entitlement, when we are ALL here.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see how the idea of 'the flag' is used as a method of separation.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach myself mentally to a certain piece of fabric with certain colors or shapes on it.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold the flag as superior to life.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the respect that i give to the idea of importance in a piece of fabric is misplaced.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to self honestly define important.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to have a real self honest look at what it is i place value in.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to self honestly define necessity.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to work on self honesty in all moments.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that because i was born on a certain part of the planet that i am worthy of a dignified life.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that because some are born on certain parts of the planet that they are less worthy of the same dignified life i would want for myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think there is no way that all people can have the same dignified life that i would want for myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that we are separated by pieces of fabric here on this planet.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach myself mentally to a certain piece of land as my "home land". within this i disregard the fact that all land is connected as home on this one planet.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create mental barriers between myself and other beings.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold myself back.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my self expression.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to watch a moment pass by.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself think in my head instead of express within the physical with my mouth. thinking is not self expressive. its self deceptive. as i think in my head i am not here in the present fully aware and a full participant.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that it isnt a thought that produces but physical movement within participation here. in the physical. u cannot think oneness and equality into existence. it must be lived and expressed and not held back.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the importance of developing self trust to be able to move through any and all given moments with clarity.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that even if i may fall, i still must walk.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to express myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger. towards the disregard of life, but it was anger. from within anger as a starting point comes nothing good. period. self movement to stand up to the disregard of life must be from a place of self trust, stability and clarity. anger brings none of those things.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear friction. fear creating friction within a disagreement. fear of being unwilling to move self within the unwillingness of another to see what i am trying to express.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from another. like i have not displaying the same disregard towards life.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing an hesitant nature within myself when it comes to "what needs to be done".

i commit myself to not hold back my self expression.

i commit myself to move myself within all moments.

i commit myself to breathe when i sense myself existing as back chat and bring myself back to real. to here in the physical.

i commit myself to develop patience within my movement. stability within expression comes with patience.

i commit myself to not fear the destruction of an idea. as an idea, is not real.

i commit myself to stand up for life.

ideas, objects and LIFE

i had an interesting experience of realization and perspective in relation to our disregard of life in favor of displaying regard for objects or ideas as superior.

**and i want to say that we cannot be afraid to "call a spade a spade." meaning to see what is and say what is without fear of acknowledgment or accountability. we are so afraid to see what we have done. what we do. such shame involved that we cannot even speak about what we are clearly doing here. shame gets us nowhere but within a pit of self pity. "self pity, people, should never be supported. ever." - bp **

i was hanging out with a friend of mine. i was on my computer doing something really quick so he was reading articles on his phone. he turns to me and says...

"can u believe there is this housing community and they wont let this guy fly the american flag?!!"

there was so much disgust and sadness and disbelief in his eyes and tone. for the flag. the idea of the flag. the genuine care that he believed he was displaying for the value of a piece of cloth, scared me a bit. it scared me because this is the type of care that is not displayed towards life. at all. the pain in his mind that he was creating due to the idea he holds about the american flag and that idea being destroyed by people not wanting to support the idea he holds seemed so useless as it dripped off his words of sadness for the idea of the flag. we put such energy towards the uplifting of so many ideas and objects...this idea, object -the respect of the bible, the flag, the koran, the "holy land", the church, the priest, the idea of god- but not towards the betterment of life in general. not towards the respect of life in general. we will initiate a discussion about supporting ideas about pieces of fabric but when switching our support from ideas to life is considered discussing its seen as too much to tackle...

this also lead to an interesting experience of realization and perspective in relation to my learning to move myself in all moments with clarity. move myself in all ways, always. because in the moment that he asked me this question i was already thinking "what the fuck?" "is he seriously showing favor to the idea of value in a flag with the gusto that is required to realize the only thing of value here as LIFE?!" "fuck! that statement really shows the mental attachment we have to our corners of the earth." "how the hell can we be so insulted that people wont let a man fly a piece of cloth but we DONT GIVE A SHIT that all people are not allowed to eat here?"...all this self back chat just lead to me shaking my head in disgust and disbelief of the disregard. not seeing that in this i took the disregard i was spotting in another and made it my own within disregarding the opportunity to move myself to speak and express myself in the physical..within disregarding the assistance that is needed within this other being to see what is being missed (not to say that i would have been able to assist him in seeing anything, but the need for assistance was disregarded for whatever reason)...within the disregard of this being as equal to myself as i had/have accepted and allowed myself to be whether in the past or currently where i desired to show regard to my ideas over what is here as life. instead i rested in the mind. which is not real. which is why my friend has no clue of the reality of me in the moment of him asking me what he asked me. he only knows he got a scoff, a head shake, a look of annoyance and was disregarded by a person...

self forgiveness to come on this...

missed a day..

so, i missed a day. sunday. i started my blog 'life for rIFELes' on sunday but did not finish it until today.

this point of "starting my 21 days over" really isnt a big deal. and i mean that to say i have looked at my timekeeper and i see that there was time. i had a little time early in the day that i could have started my blog. i had an hour after work in which i could have moved myself to write my blog that i used to be on facebook reading blogs instead. but point stands that i was aware that i was going somewhere after work and there was the possibility that i would be gone the remainder of the day. and i did not move myself to, well move myself. so i know and see the reason why and where i "missed" a day in the movement i am committing myself to. but i see the movement of myself toward writing as breathing. so i move to keep it moving :)..

toxic

TRIS PHOSPHATE proven to cause cancer and sterility in animals

POLYBROMINATED DIPHENYL ETHERS proven to damage the reproductive and nervous systems as well as disrupt thyroid function

TETRAKIS-HYDROMETHYL PHOSPHONIUM CHOLORIDA proven to promote the growth of cancerous tumors, damage the liver and skin,and also has been linked to genetic abnormalities..

ORGANOPHOSPHATE INSECTICIDES a neurotoxin proven to cause long term brain damage when presented during a critical stage in develeopment..

LEAD proven to cause head aches, stomach pains and linked to the improper production of red blood cells which limits the bodies ability carry oxygen to organs and other cells..

POLYCHLORINATED BIPHENYLS proven to contain cancer causing chemicals and affect the immune, endocrine and reproductive systems in animal test. we are unsure of how this translates to the human being..

PESTICIDES proven to weaken immune system, a slow poison and also proven to be the death of lots of life --insects, fungus and other small animals-- that was just trying to get a bite of the food supply.

what do all these ^ things have in common??

we have or continue to put these chemicals, and more, in our clothes, in our food, in our drinks in our childrens toys, in our jewelry, in our mattresses, in our computers , in our pots and pans, in our toothpaste , in our dental floss , in our make up , in our phones , in --basically in our bodies.

some of these things are no longer put into our stuff. it isnt because we did not know and now we do so we are changing what we do. no. its because what we were deliberately overlooking/not addressing is now being addressed by someone. and what is, well is. and is not determinate on ones beliefs or delusions of grandeur. so we must present the illusion of care and the "do something". but its interesting because we are not willing to just do. we want to do some thing. to do would mean a complete clean sweep of ALL of our stuff. not just stop the fuckery with some of our stuff. its ALL OUR STUFF. if we allow it with some stuff, we allow it with stuff period. many other countries are making a point to rid chemicals from the production of their goods. the united states, not so much..

every year fire kills tons of people. thousands of people. but the statement that "fire kills tons of people" is true but missing context. its not that fire is just jumping around and killing people. its not that children sleeping are "just" catching on fire. most fires are started by us. whether its someone carelessly falling asleep with a lit cig, not watching what they are cooking, too many plugs in a socket, shitty or neglected wiring (yes,that is still an 'us thing'), shitty or neglected building construction, matches not properly put away, children not properly taught safety....many reason. all our own. with the obvious consideration of wild fires. though our human hand has aided in the adjustment of our natural environment which has led to the circumstance of wild fires as well. we are always at the helm of all that manifest here in existence.

with fire, we think of it as something we need to protect ourselves from. i mean, we have a fire department. no flood (water) department. no tornado (wind) department. no quake (earth) department. but fire is a must. because, with our careless actions and long generational solidified fear of fire, we create the need. so the justification is made, with fire retardants, that it is something we need to protect our children from fire. HA, when in actuality its us (who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become) that we need protection from lest we continue on this path of ignorance.

people say that the incidents of fires have decrease since we decided to start putting fire retardant chemicals into the fabric that we put onto our skin. when in actuality, its NOT THE FIRE RETARDANTS that is the reason for their being less fires. its the attention that is paid towards fires in general. people are paying a bit (very small but needs to be acknowledged) more attention. whether that is fear based or awareness driven,i cannot say for certain. but for THAT reason, incidents of fires have decreased. its always the action of us that is moving here.

there is a book i have heard about called 'non toxic avenger' by deanna duke.

this woman goes into detail of all the chemicals that we knowingly place into our bodies in various ways and the ways in which these things have affected her and her family. as well as documents her walk out of the cycle of living she and her family are use to. she makes a point to stop her family from consuming, wearing and using many things that are actually terrible for the human physical body and its life long development. she tested and rid her home of many childrens toys, jewelry, food items, drinks.. many cool things within the book. the main thing that stuck out to me was how difficult it was for her family to change their cycle. her husband and children, even in their desire to support their mother, had a hard time giving things up and adjusting to "new living". and this "new living" did not cut absolutely all harmful products out. just most of them. so there is still some back door-ish acceptance in there but this is not to judge but to realize that shit doesnt "just" happen. we must walk them into manifestation. whatever they may be. it is understandable that the family would find change difficult. especially to do together. but also shows that with action and determinant movement, we can change anything we want to change. we could make the decision not to put harmful chemicals into our stuff, into our bodies. all it takes is the simple, beautiful decision to act in a way that is best for all life. ..

SOMETHING TO CONSIDER..

for some, "good eating" is not a possibility. hell, eating is not a possibility for many. so the solution is not to purchase organic food or grow ur own garden or purchase this or that. until the only value here - LIFE- is realized, we will continue to value the lie..

careful consideration

species extinction

this point is used very frequently when talking of reasons why we should "get our shit together" as far as our interaction with the environment that gives us breath. we talk of how the natural habitats of many animals are being destroyed due to an inconsiderate human hand. we talk of the thousands of species that needlessly continue to die (go extinct) every year. we talk of saving the animals (with the starting point of 'to save ourselves'. not oneness and equality and mutual respect. but i digress..). we talk of how we are killing many animals here.

i consider this point in relation to ALL life when it comes to extinction and needless death

where this same point that some are fighting for with animals is the same plight that currently faces ALL life (human/animal/insect/plant) here. where we dont give a shit about the habitat of ALL life. where ALL life is being hunted and used up and made to exist no more. where ALL life is dependent on the whims of the reckless human. where ALL life is going extinct due to our inconsiderate actions. we dont broaden this point of extinction to see what it means for all life and what is needed from all movement.

this "rally" that we do for animals that are going extinct is really just apart of this delusional, self destructive cycle we have ourselves in. where in some of us will hunt animals to near extinction, some of us will conduct practices that destroy the one earth we have and some of us will then turn around and display desire to "save" what our actions continue to destroy. much of what we do is just "something to do" so to speak. while we think we are actually doing something different we really just continue to manifest the same shit. we just keep this cycle going.

WE MUST BEGIN TO WALK BACK OUR DECISIONS TO SEE THE STARTING POINT OF THE ACTIONS THAT WE ARE ACCEPTING AND ALLOWING OF OURSELVES..SEE ALL OF WHAT IS IMPLIED BY BEHAVIORS BEFORE ITS PUT INTO ACTION AND CONSEQUENCE IS MANIFESTED.

if someone told u that ur actions were the deciding factor between doing what is best within consideration of all or continuing the current self interested state of movement in the world...how carefully would u consider urs?

we are worried of extinction when there is so much of ourselves that we have yet to discover. much like the ocean and our exploration of it. if the ocean, as ourselves, was a tall glass of water, we would have only taken a sip..

stifling, discouragement and selective assistance

i really enjoy dance :)

self expression in general and in many different forms, but dance in particular. there are so many different ways to explore space and move the human physical form. so its really cool to watch parts of the whole of expression, express themselves :).

there is a show that i have been watching for years called 'so you think you can dance'.

its about dancers that come from all around the world to compete on this show to win a dance contract and of course, some money. throughout the show they dig into many of the peoples lives a bit and give context to the starting point of much of the expression that is being expressed as dance. which is cool.

now there are people who come to audition who many would say "cant dance". dance is really just movement when broken down. and movement is expression and expression is pretty fucking beautiful :)

when people "cannot dance" on this show they are not broken down. i have seen when someone is deliberately acting a fool to get attention from a tv show and they are called out on it. but the people are not made a fool if they are not a technical dancer. there was a dancer who came to audition who commented that he was upset with the way the show acted. he did not like that they enjoyed themselves with people who "couldnt dance" and let them perform their self expression. and that it was in insult to "real dancers". this was obviously the ego of a disconnected being who thought their self expression was in some way above the expression of others. its a shame that we beat one another down in order to build self up. this is not movement. this is not self appreciation. this is chaos.

we toss people aside often. this is a point i noticed within the show 'biggest loser'.

this show capitalizes on the downfall of our collective health as people. it makes weight loss an elitist circle. makes saving the life of an obviously unhealthy body into a game. it first gets many people who are unhealthily over weight together. then it makes these people compete to even be on the show to get what they consider "help that they all need". they make these people compete and apparently whoever "wants it" (< to be on the show ) more will get to get the help.

okay, i understand the importance of self movement and being the will that moves our physical bodies that creates the physical world. i understand that we are use to competition as "the way we move" and "from where we move" for a very long time. i understand that we have built importance and need around our idea of reward/punishment. 'do this good enough, get that. dont do this good enough, dont get that.'

what i dont understand is the fact that we are overlooking the point that ALL these fucking people need help. and it is displayed that we clearly see that ALL these fucking people need help. why not simply HELP ALL THESE FUCKING PEOPLE GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER SO THEY CAN SUPPORT THEMSELVES PERIOD? make that what this what this whole oopla is about.

and then many people say, "well people would not want to PAY to see someone who could not sing or could not dance or is not being followed around by a camera but losing weight." self expression, enjoyment, happiness, health - we make all thing dependent on money. having it, keeping it, getting it, using it.. the money motivator is one that should be dug unto for ones self to self honestly see what is actually within this point of money. which are seeds of greed and self interest and of course, fear.

to investigate bringing money to a point which reflects a core of oneness and equality and consideration for all life >www.equalmoney.org

..just not enough money

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY PEOPLE!!!

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all beings are able to eat food in order to stay alive once they are born

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all beings have access to clean water to drink

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all students have a way to and from school

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that our definition of 'education' is one that takes all into consideration and is not selective and dependent on money and profit

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all children have access to care givers that give true care

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that we have an adequate number of teachers to teach our youth

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all beings are clothed

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all have access to all the great abundance of resources the earth provides us

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that in our process of life here that we respect all beings

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that the 'within' of each being is taken care of first and foremost because we collectively manifest the 'without'

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all can be trusted with life in every form

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all are guaranteed education not dependent and subject to the profit motives of self interest

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all animals will be treated with the same respect and dignity we would want ourselves extended

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all children born into this world are guaranteed a dignified life

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that we know the importance of self responsibility and a collective oneness within all that is here

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all beings being brought into this world are being brought into a world that is compassionate caring and considerate as a starting point

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all beings are able be trusted with life

theres just not enough fucking money?...

this shows that we value money more than life. as we have accepted and allowed and manifested an existence where money dictates whether u live or die- eat or starve- work or beg- can play this game we have made out of life or are played by this game we have made out of life. money is not how we trade and achieve mutual benefit as many hold as a core "purpose" of money. in actuality its action and movement that is the real act of trading to achieve what is best for all. not money. this idea of importance we give money is simply that. and idea. this cotton (money) means so much to us mentally that we have traded life for the glorification of an idea over life. our collective movement is not dependent on valuing money. its dependent on valuing life.

what if these things, which we can all see the collective importance in, were not dependent on money.. if life, not money, was the value from which action and movement was based.. where all do not come into this world striving to capitalize on all others here.. where support is the foundation that will be found at birth til death.. where growth, learning, fun and support all intertwine together..

investigate--> www.equalmoney.org

senate bill 310

i was watching the 'ohio channel' where the ohio house of representatives were discussing senate bill 310. senate bill 310 would regulate the ownership of a list of certain wild animals, monkeys and snakes. there are currently no regulations in ohio and there has been much fear generated from an situation that happened in zanesville ohio NOT practical consideration to do whats best by animals period and people period. a man in zanesville who had acquired many wild animals one day released them all and killed himself. this lead to the "need" to kill these animals as a result because the fear of what these animals would do. so the bill would require that wild animals be recorded, counted and easily located. the bill would also require current wild animals owners to obtain a permit and maintain liability insurance for their animals.

there were people speaking for and against the bill and stating reasons for their decision. one of the speakers who was against the bill listed a reason that stuck out to me.

the reason was that the bill discriminated against the poor.

he said that people without the money to pay for all these regulations that were being imposed by this bill and all the permits that were being required by this bill would not be able to keep their animals.

i found this particularly interesting because if that was a reason to NOT pass a bill then no bill should currently be passed at all. ALL we do and conduct as 'us' here discriminates against the poor. and thats really clear to see.

if u do not have enough money, u do not get to have a roof over ur head.

if u do not have enough money, u do not get to buy food to stay alive.

if u do not have enough money, u do not get access to an education.

if u do not have enough money, u do not get access to clean water.

if u do not have enough money, u do not get the dignified life that those with money are able to have.

we have shaped life, in totality, to discriminate against the poor. and its interesting that this point is not addressed at its core but then we try to use this point as fluff for our reindeer games here. all the while COMPLETELY MISSING what this point actually means coming out of our mouths. this point of money and our equation of it to power and purpose and movement and ability. we have made life dependent on money. and with this we stifle life as money, like all things, is not equal here currently.

the bill passed..

investigate--> www.equalmoney.org

the physical

the physical is very supportive if one is paying attention and not trying to make factual things out of fictional thoughts- but remaining here and present within movement.


for example...

if one is eating and in the mind thinking about all kinds of shit ("do i look weird eating this way?" "maybe i should go on a diet.." "my car and job really suk." "i wonder if that guy will ask me out.." etc) then one is not here with the food and the fork and the body and the chair and the table in the physical. one is in the mind and the mind is not HERE physically present with the food and the fork and the body and the chair and the table. can one touch a thought? no. thoughts are not physically here. and the physical is always here and moving without malice or judgment or goodness or hurtfulness or morbidness or a rosey outlook. its simply here. so- if one is eating and in the mind one may bite their tongue. this happens and we get pissed. pissed at the tongue, at the food. we say "damn! I bit my tongue!" but yet we fail to realise that the physical is supporting us to realise that we were not physically HERE to stop OUR OWN teeth from biting OUR OWN tongue.

if one is driving a car and in the mind thinking all kinds of shit ( "these drivers are all such bad drivers. im a good driver." "damn if i dont hurry im going to be late then i might get fired and i NEED that money!" "i hope no one doesnt hit me.." "i wonder what everyone is going to be doing this weekend? maybe there is a party going on. i need a drink." "my car is so ugly. i need to get a brand new car like that person over there.." "damn i wish i had more money to get..." etc...) then one is not there with the car and the wheel and the road and the people in the physical. even singing and being SO into "your song" creating emotionality and bringing up memories regarding said song is not the practical way that one should drive. it is very important to be HERE while driving, while doing anything actually but in this example while driving. it takes a split second of driving while in the mind to miss a needless incident coming ones way. and this happens so fucking often that it really saddens me that we dont individually/collectively take notice to this bullshit and pay attention and be present while fucking driving. not being HERE is the cause of most accidents and deaths on the roadway as well as deaths for animals(which is needless because the road does NOT belong to us only. it belongs to ALL equally. even animals that simply need to pass). wether that 'not being here' is attributed to tons of thoughts going through ones head, being fucking drunk/tipsy (i cannot count how many of the people that i know drive after they have been drinking even though we KNOW KNOW KNOW that self is not present when alcohol is involved and that this causes many accidents and deaths. where is care?), being fearful of others on the road or speeding/rushing and disregarding others on the road. and then when an accident occurs everyone is pissed off and we look for one person to blame. we dont collectively teach and advocate practical ways of being a human being. so everything that comes after that bullshit starting point (driving, playing, working, school systems, the law, our idea of giving, our idea of helping, birthing human beings, our hospital system..etc) has the potential to manifest into bullshit as well. as shown in the state of the world currently.

if one is walking and in the mind, not HERE in the physical, one might trip and fall and break/scrap/injure a part of ones physical body. THAT is the physical trying to let one know, "hey, u were not here when this what about to happen to us. so if u are not HERE to direct u/us, where ever u are (in the mind) is directing u/us". then we get pissed at "luck" saying oh i just have such "bad luck". we never want to see ourselves within the bullshit. its always some other reason why this or that has happened. its never because we accepted and allowed it to happen. which is, in actuality, the ONLY reason anything happens in this world. by our individual/collective acceptance and allowance.

i have gotten into car accidents, hurt other people in various ways, *slit the tendons in my hand for which i now type with 9 fingers only, walked into walls or doors, stubbed my toe, dropped and broken things, hurt animals, wasted food, missed appointments, missed opportunities to help others, missed opportunities to change the world needlessly -all because i was not paying attention. being in the mind instead of being HERE and present within consideration of all (things and people) in my actions.
what about u?
consider all the things that have gone on/do go on in the world because we dont pay attention to the whole in relation to the things that we do. wars, rapes, murders, slavery (historical and modern day), killing off of animals, ruining portions of the earth in which we ALL reside on, placing value in money instead of where value belongs -in life-, starvation, disregard of life...

eating, driving and walking are just three of the things that if done while in the mind manifest bullshit in the world. consider the fact that we have been doing EVERYTHING from the starting point of the mind (with a self interested chaser..) since the beginning of time. all the while we completely miss that being physically HERE is key to stopping all the "whoops" and "oops" and bullshit in the world that we "dont know" how or why it continues to happens.

the mind/thoughts cannot be trusted. only the physical, what is HERE and verifiable and touchable, can be trusted. the mind says one must survive and strive to be the happiest one can be in this world. the physical proves that NONE survive ultimately. we all die. that is assured. that is verifiable and touchable. yet we all carry on trying to attain this mental idea of "surviving". like we can. the physical also proves that there is plenty here for all to live a dignified and happy life if one thinks of ALL in relation to self and do what is best for ALL -which includes self-.

attention is the only bill that is free to pay. but we, as a society, push it aside so very often...

baby found in trash bin being eaten by ants, prayer

im seeing this photo passed around facebook with the title 'facebook prayer request. please pray for this baby that was found in a bin being eaten by ants :(' and some that say 'if u have a heart then pass this along'


it is completly ignorant to pass this picture around asking people to pray for this child. this child is not happy about or thankful for this choice of actions upon hearing it was dumped in a trash bag and almost eaten alive by ants. this is not what this child wants or needs.



we, as a society, need to get fucking real. we have been praying for shit to happen for eons and eons of time which is funny to me because we also accept that the person who we think we are praying to does what he wants and does what it is his will and does what he sees fit. so the very act in our praying for shit but also saying 'if he gives it he gives it. if he doesnt he doesnt want it to be for some secret reason' is redundant cause ultimately all is up to the "plan" or the desires of the egoic god. so that is why we accept that starvation, rape, abuse of animals, inequality, manipulation, wars are things that we cannot do anything to stop. because we accept that we prayed for it to stop and it didnt stop, so there is no more that we can do but live with it as best we can. this is the attitude of those who rest in prayer.
2 corinthians 20:1-30 "the battle is the lords". it is taught in the bible that the world is a battle and the battle is the lords. as a result of prayer we have become complacent within the abdication of responsibility. which is why when one feels they know they can do nothing for u, they pray for u. --prayer requires an 'i am limited/ i am inferior/ i am unable' attitude. and that is NOT what that child/ any child being brought into this world needs from the beings here. the "grown" ups.


this child has some questions:

what, the fuck, is prayer going to do for me?
where was prayer and mercy before i was placed in a trash bin?
why do u hear what has happened to me, and other atrocities to other babies and not consider requiring preparation for parenting here?
do u care about babies enouch to change ur ways of treating all beings in general?
do u want to stop abuse and the things within beings that causes one to abuse another or just sit, eyes closed to the reality of it and pray that it stops?
why do u not see that the world reflects what we allow to live in each one of us?
if ur prayers have done nothing for the countless beings that are currently starving,being beaten, raped, sold into sex slavery, all under the accepted system of abuse in the world, what do u think prayer will do for me?
why have u not considered an equal money system?


we need to change the definiton of being a human being to one that respects all life equally. so none are ever disrespected and disgarded. stop praying for change and manifest it with us. investigate a new system. one that values life. period. www.equalmoney.org

the man next door and the equal money system

my sister was taking me to work yesterday and we were passing my corner neighbors house and my sister says, u gotta see what hes doing now. our corner neighbor is always in his backyard. almost literally always back there. he has a garden back there to which he has built a frame around with wood so the vines and flowers can grow all around. he does fires, sing alongs with the guitar and he does whatever he can with wood. he has tables and chairs and benches made from tree trunks and various pieces of wood that look really cool. we turn the corner and i see this huge wooden..lol well thing. its being made for a shelter/patio area for his backyard. hes been working back there for a while on something and i turn the corner and see this thing :). my sis says, isnt that cool. of course i agreed. she says how its obvious that he works or has worked and saved since he is able to have this house for his family and cars and such but its really cool that he is able to do what he really enjoys doing. which is working with wood and with his hands. whenever we look or go outside, there he is doing something in the backyard. i metioned that in an equal money system people will not have to worry about if they are going to be able to eat or have somewhere to sleep or have clean water or have all around care. because in an equal money system life is valued. period. and what life needs life will get. so all people would be able to enjoy the resources that this earth has for us ALL. equally and respectfully. all people would be able to enjoy self expression without worry or fear of survival. i said to her, in an equal money system both our jobs would not exist and if they did they would not exist in the form they are in now. ( shes is a wine representative and sells wine to resturants. its a extremely stressful job they way they would like them to do it (underhanded, manipulative and forceful) and of course its all about profiting over people. i am a brand ambassador. i pretty much represent different companies at promotional events or festivals or samplings. i interact with all different types of people which i enjoy, but i basically convince people to buy shit by giving them shit and playing on different idea or emotions, in a nutshell.) i asked her, what would u do if this were in equal money system and u did not have to worry all the time about if u and my niece and my brother will eat or have some shelter to lay ur head or about money money money? she says, id love to paint all day long! she is an awesome artist. she draws and paints and her expression through her paintings is really cool. she likes to show the movement of that which she paints. for instance she would paint the color of the sway of wind a butterfly shes painted has just gone through. cool stuff. with her being pregnant and prepartion for everything that comes with creating a child and then having a child and immediately going back to the hustle of work has deleted her time for her self expression through art in place of survival. within an equal money system self expression will be encouraged. self expression that does so within the principles of oneness and equality and a respect for all as self. the rat race we currently live in will be no more. once the need to do whatever one has to to eat and keep cloths on ones back and a roof over ones head and clean water to drink and so and so forth is realised to be unneccessary if one is operating within what is best for all, then we can collectively birth life here in the physical. there will be work. but all will be able to work and contribute themselves fully. all are NOT able to work and contribute themselves fully within the current system. some have no opportunities at all the way we have accepted and allowed this world. this will change with the implementation of the equal money system.
i took a picture of my neighbor atop his expression. may not be able to tell in the picture, but hes smiling :)

sucklings

for a pig to be considered a suckling it must still be suckling. meaning the little one is still fed on its mothers milk. at no more than a month old (between the ages of 2 to 6 weeks), we rip these sucklings away from their mothers to kill it and eat it. this really shows the cruel nature that we have allowed of ourselves. its not the fact THAT we eat animals. its HOW we go about the shit that reveals the dismissive cruelty in us. even though we eat animals to live doesnt mean that we cannot support them to have a life of dignity up until that point where they support us. within an equal money system the basis for action is what is best for all. so there will be NO eating of sucklings. its cruel and unneccessary and unacceptable within what is best for all. all pigs will live a dignified life within and equal money system that supports a dignified life for ALL. not just human beings. all beings. we will no longer rip the young from its mother to feed our greed. cause thats what it is doing. not just "trying out a different form of pig". its more than that. its the unneccessary abuse of animals to create a "better" experience for ones self. all are not considered within that. the pig is not considered within that. i mean, would we want our child ripped from our arms at 2 weeks only to be killed for the amusement of someones ego?



this is a child. not a human child, but a child nonetheless..

there is a fungus among us

i was watching bizarre foods earlier today. the guy was in tiawan trying all kinds of local dishes. he had just finished eating at a place that cooked everything with different types of tea. even had deep fried tea leaves. they use different types of teas for differnt physcial ailments or to increase support to certain areas of the body. very interesting. but afterward the guy was taken to this store with all these dry roots and barks and leaves and all kinds of stuff. the guide tells him of some of the uses for certain things around and then leads him to a cabinet in the store. the guide opens the cabinet saying "u must see this". he pulls out a nicely packaged red and gold box and says "this may look like worms but its actually a fungus! its GREAT for the lungs! want to know how great?" the bizarre foods guy says, yes. the guide tells him," well, in american money one pound would cost u 8 thousand dollars." --- ok, so i have been looking to see if i could find information on this fungus and what it actually does for the lungs but i was not able. though i see that the point of 'making things that will help all and should be available to all only available to those with money' can still be looked at. say we find a fungus among us that has the capabilities to assist greatly in the restoration of lung function. instead of seeing the importance to the world as a whole we look at how we can profit from it. though the fungus will provide physical support to bodies, that point is disregarded in favor of how much money can be manipulated out of those bodies by holding death above our heads or the promise of a superior experience of ones self compared to other-selves. we have an outright price on life currently! im certain we are allowing people to die for things we have cures for if we allow people to die for lack of money to buy food. there really is no telling what we are capable of doing at this point because we accept and allow secrecy and greed and fear to direct us. food, clean water, shelter, health care, education, opportunity, access, THESE are rights. its fucking bullshit to see ourselves within this disrespect that we have for the physical.. and its such a clear point to see within our world. there is no debating its fact nor its unacceptability. money should NOT be the deciding factor on if someone lives or dies with dignity.

opinions

i was talking to my brother and sister the other day about this post a friend of mine made on facebook. she posted a status saying to forgive her if she wasnt overly sensitive to the plight of those who just went through hurricane irene because when we went through hurricane andrew back in 1992 we were out of power for 3 months. i was saying how it was really crazy that we can go through something like we did in hurricane andrew all to create accept and allow superiority within ourselves because we lived through it. like we did anything really to deserve to live through it anymore than those who died did anything to deserve to die in it. many survivers of something feel that they are either in debted to something or owed something for surviving. its crazy how we attached these feelings to certain situations and how those feelings lead us to react in a certain matter when faced with similar emotion invoking situations. i was basically saying how the statement in the status is a disregard of life as a whole and disregarding of the care that one should have for another as one would like another to have for them. its a big 'fuck u' to those dealing with hurricane irene and a 'dont even try it' to anyone in any future hurricanes that dont meet the death toll and power outtage time of hurricane andrew for which my friends care, in situations of a hurricane, is dependent on the andrew comparison. my brother jumps in saying, "thats the thing. that is HER opinion. u cant tell someone what to think or feel. people are entitled to their own opinion." i had to take a moment to consider this statement.. i said to him, well lets look at opinions as a whole. not just her opinion to not care for beings that have not been through what she had been through, but all opinions. some peoples opinion is that it is ok/cool/acceptable to molest children. some peoples opinion is that it is ok/cool/acceptable to murder someone they dont like. some peoples opinion is that it is ok/cool/acceptable to treat another like worthless garbage. some peoples opinion is that its ok/cool/acceptable to beat baby seals to death with a bat. some peoples opinion is that its ok/cool/acceptable to rape and beat on a woman. in actuality, everyone is NOT entitled to their own fucking opinion. cause all of our "own opinions" are fucking abusive. we accept and allow the "everyones entitled to their own opinon" bullshit without even considering what an opinion is and the possibilities and actualities that are 'peoples opinions'. opinions create seperation between self and others as well as provide fuel to the ego. for one can always find self at the top of all statements that contain the words 'in my opinion'. fuck "my opinon" about something. what are the facts about said thing. what is verifyable without anyones self interest as a basis. opinions are not needed within equality. because all are doing what is best for all. in everything, all are considering what is best for all. that requires no ones opinion.

work

so working at this place again has been a interesting experience. i havent worked here since 2008. when i worked there before i was smoking cigs all the time and i was addicted to caffiene. i mean, at that point i wasnt taking responsibility for myself and my body and my sleep and my wake and many other things. so rain sleet or snow every break or lunch i was outside smoking like a chimney. and every morning i got coffee and every lunch a dew. dew has the most caff in it i was told. so i used that and coffee to get me through working this 3rd shift job where i am up when i would "normally" be sleep. so now that i have been off cigs and the caff for months now the experience is quite different. its funny, i stopped these things within myself by myself but i was not able to truely realize myself within smoking cigs and drinking the caff all the time until i am stopped and see me as i was in other people. as they rush by me during our set in stone 15 min breaks or 30 min lunches, i see them as me and literally see how i disregarded all around me to get what i felt i NEEDED. and then how i bitched about how "unbareable" the conditions outside were (too cold/too hot) but id deal for a drag or three of a cig. that nicotine "fix" that i was willing to do much for. and then the caff/coffee. i mean, fuck. this is the greatest form of a legal acceptable "drug" if i ever seen one. i see many i work with drink at lease 3 cups in our 8 hour shift and 1 cup before the shift even starts. i get to literally see how i disregaded my responsibility for myself by accepting the idea that i cannot get through a 3rd shift without tons of coffee. if i did not get my coffee even if i was not tired id manifest the experience for myself. i allowed coffee to direct me instead of directing myself. and i see many doing that now that i am stepped back and seeing others as myself. there is an huge office building across from the square where all the buses pick up. a fifth third bank building. and in that building is a dunkin donuts. i went in to keep warm while i waited for my bus to go home. its about 8am so as im ending my day most are starting theirs. i watched many many people come from outside to get coffee or donuts and many many many people coming down from everywhere within the building money in hand looking like they NEEDED this coffee to get them through the day. if they day had enjoyment, it began with coffee. bopping up and down in line waiting. i remember being a "regular" at this place. now , the last time i walked into this building i was rushing in with three dollars in hand and the words "plain bagle with cream cheese and a large coffee" spilling out of my mouth. i use to run in here at the risk of missing my bus and not making it to work on time (either ur on time or ur not there at this job). i use to scrounge those three dollars on top of what i pay for bus fare and i did it feeling like it HAD to be done "or else". i had such great fear of falling asleep at work. if u fall asleep u are fired. that is it. a girl actually got fired today for sleeping. she slept yesterday and they gave her a second chance. she slept today and they made an announcement that we are not to sleep ever here. she fell asleep again and they told her to leave. now before when i worked here, there were no second chances. so i was in constant fear that i would fall asleep and lose my jjob so i created this "crazed coffee drinking, mountain dew devouring, quick smoking coocoo woman". now, i am able to see myself as i was, as we are. i try to be straight forward with people but not ...pushy i guess the word is. when someone sneezes at work everyone in singsongs "bless u". i ask aloud "why? why do we all say bless u?". no one wanted to touch that one. one guy who i had been having a common sense conversation goes " because that what we were taught to say by our parents when someone sneezes". i said now thats an honest answer and the only reason. "bless u" doesnt actually DO anything. or i heard two neighbors i was sitting next to having a converstation about random bullshit. then they started to talk about religion and i joined in. one was a christian and he was speaking about jesus and god and adam and eve and i was pointing out blatent inconsistencies in the stories and the idea of whos interpretation the bible is. showed that none of us follow the simple principle of -love thy neighbor as thy self- consistantly. and that is the most simple of points jesus tried to make while here. he agreed with my points. i starting talking about religions in general and how similar the points of seperation are. he mentioned something about terrorist and killing people and i told him that however christianity is the only religion in which u can be shitty ur entire life, rob, kill,cheat, rape, torture and then right before death accept jesus into ur heart and go to heaven. i asked him what sense did that make. he looked surprised and said true. i have gained this stigma, not a bad stigma or good stigma, as the girl who goes THERE lol. a new girl asked me for my advice. he father had just died a couple days ago and the funeral was today. at our job we are able to miss two days then we are fired. she already missed one because of an issue with the bus not being on time. and she would have to miss friday and saturday to go to another state for the funeral. there was her, myself and two or three other girls there. she asked what she should do. the other girls told her that she should go to the funeral no matter what, its her father, u'll regret it if u dont, and all this other stuff. i was quiet while they stated why she should go. then she asked, what do u think tree. i said, "well.." and they other girls go, "here she goes" and they laugh. i smiled and continued on to tell her that if she needs this job to assist and support herself then she should not miss days and get fired. point blank. her father wouldnt want her to compromise her life to look at his death. we all experience death but we can let it take us or let it go. i told her her father inst going to give a shit if she comes or not and shit like that is no longer his concern anyway. she said she understood. but she went anyway.

rooting for the root

so marlen has helped to open me up and let me see that i must go deeper in the points i deal with. so in looking at points from now on i will not focus so much on that which has come forth but from where it came. the root of the point. when a baby is searching for food or trying to eat (support themselves) they root for it. the boob. they search for it. rooting. so i shift my focus from the flowers to the roots.

in looking at the root of the point of laziness i see that i created/accepted/allowed this idea that laziness "works" "good enough". what i saw around me were people not really trying, but they were still able to "get by". or if they were trying their hardest, as in the case of my mother, they still werent able to "get a leg up" and live life full. it was all just "getting by". what i saw growing up was that living was fucking hard as fuck. i saw my mother and father struggle. uncles and aunts struggling. i created this idea of "why even fucking try". i didnt feel like we did enough. enough for one another. enough for the world. but the way i saw people participating in the world through the media and the examples i had of those around me helped me to created this pedestal in which i placed the idea of being lazy or "getting something for nothing". my parents were not 9 to 5ers. my dad grew and sold weed growing up and we "got by". my mom worked as a midwife delivering babies at our home growing up. expected mothers would stay with us many days while giving birth on their own time. but because of who she was i dont think she ever charged anyone. she enjoyed doing the work because she enjoyed doing the work. period. but that selflessness was not "good enough" for the world. it didnt work in the world we live in. she couldnt keep that selflessness going and also support herself and her children. i dont think she ever thought of it that way though. my dad quit growing and selling weed but couldnt find a job and moved away. then my mother found her own way of "getting by". worked when she could where she could. gave 100% of herself but still was only able to "get by". and that was barely. i remember my oldest sister was going through shit with school and life and focusing. decided she was going away to job corps. a place that is supposed to be school and job training. i thought of it as a college. it was a "big deal" in my eyes. well she went away and came back a slightly different person. she was in a gang and dressed different and talked differnt. people saw her as cool. i recall thinking that she went off to do something but ended up doing nothing really and now shes in a gang and shes cool and doing nothing. and its "working" for her. lead me to shape this idea of laziness "working". and laziness as what people do. i had a couple of points of "crazy" at age 13 or so. i use to think so much itd give me bad headachs. just think and think. about every situation i was in, everyone around me, too much shit. sometimes i couldnt stop the thoughts and shit. itd make me feel crazy. one intense time i wrote it all out that was going on in me while it was going on in me. i was in a daze cause i really didnt feel like it was me writing when i was writing it. read it over after i had "calmed down". it was insane ramblings. felt like i was going crazy. i was afraid of myself as i was when i couldnt stop my thoughts and mind. i told myself after that, that i would not care about things so much. that caring too much made u go crazy in this world. that id just lay back. be easy. just "get by" to never have to face myself as i was that day. to never have to face that "craziness" in me. to never have to face all the bullshit within me. to never have to face the 'oh please. fuck u' the world would give me if i tried too hard (cause of the idea i created that try as u may try as might, they world doesnt fucking care and will chew u up and spit u out). to never have to face that ugly side of myself/us/the world. i created this idea that just "getting by" was ok with me. that i was ok with it. school fueled this point of laziness because it was so "easy" for me to be lazy within all that had to do with school because i didnt have to try to "get by". so "just getting by" was what i did. point of laziness = fear of facing self (fear of full potential). k cool. the root.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea that laziness "works".
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea that "getting by" was "good enough" for me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the created idea that all people are "just getting by".
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself based on what i saw people participating in in the media.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself based on what my parents experienced.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself based on my judgements of that which i saw around me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the outside to influence my inside.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my "crazy" on the fact that i cared too much.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing my created idea to make me feel its ok to not care.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my sisters experience at job corps helping to create the idea that laziness and "getting by" was "cool".
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the idea that people would see me as "cool" if i didnt try but still "got by".
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the creation of this personality of a lazy person.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that in creating this personality of a lazy person i allowed it to influence every part of the experience of myself so far.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that creating an idea based on another experiene is not directing self its being directed.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing my judgement of an experience to direct me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing judgement within me.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that things must be lived or else they are simply information.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create this idea of laziness in which accepted and allowed based on what someone else had lived.
i forgive myseld for not accepting and allowing myself to see that this point of laziness is fear of facing myself and all that i have accepted and allowed.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that in fearing myself, i fear the world.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that in facing myself, i face the world in turn.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see me as seperate from the world.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that this created idea of laziness helped me to feel seperate from the world even though i accepted and allowed it based on my thinking that it is what everyone was doing in the world.
i forgive myslef for not accepting and allowing myself to see that i created this idea of laziness to not have to address the fear of myself.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that i created this idea of laziness to not have to address the fear of the world.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create limitation within me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to willingly exist within limitation.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on the world.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create this idea of laziness becasue i fear my full potential.

self forgiveness

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel wronged.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel right.
i forgive mysefl for not accepting and allowing myself to see me in every situation.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see me in every moment.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see me in every word spoken from anothers lips.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from another.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing within myself judgements of racist peoople.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that all is learned.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that blame is useless.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that all are to "blame".
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the emotions of a victim.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that i am not only the victim, but the abuser in turn.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from mason and how they act.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that masons are simply another group of people existing in a mind fuck of superiority.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see myself within the masons.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to keep in mind that all are in processs wether they know it or not.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the process of another.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my own process.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that my ex will not change.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that in thinking my exd will not change is actually me thinking i will not change.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see all sides one moment, but only mine another.
i forgive myself fot not accepting and allowing consistancy within myself.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the process of others.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own process.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to change another.
i forgive myself for not accpeting and allowing myself to see the desire to change another is the desire to change myself.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the desire to do something doesnt get something done.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that to get something done, i must simply DO it.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that hoping and desiring is not movement.
i forgive myself for nto accepting and allowing myself to see that hope doesnt get something done.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that hoping something will happen or hoping something will change is the same as believe in miracles.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that magic things dont just happen.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use hope and wishes to fix how people relate to one another.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put myself though the same shit over and over.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see what i was trying to show myself.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the personality of 'tree. the girl who doesnt do relationships' 'tree. the black girl who likes white boys' 'tree. the girl know it all''tree. the girl u cant tell nothing to' 'tree. little mrs. defensive' 'tree. little mrs. cantbewrong' 'tree. mrs. fix it' 'tree. the rebel girl' 'tree. goes against the grain'.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create these other people to which i could hop into the persona of.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say my ex did "this" to me or "that" to me. not realising in every moment consistantly that i am the controller of that which i experience within me.
i forgive myself fot accepting and allowing myself to blame my ex.
i forgive myelf for not accepting and allowing myself to see that in shooting blame to my ex, it is actually me who i blame.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myelf to see in every moment consistantly that what i see in others, what i view of the world are all reflections of me.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see in every moment that all i see in another, experience from another is that which i see and experience from me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow someone to use my process to hurt me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear of being seen as insane.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear of being called insane.
i forgive myself for accpeting and allowing fear of being an outcast. no seeing that i already was an outcast. that we are all outcast. sitting on the outside of real life.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see in every moment consistantly that since i have realised my process i have made changes that matter to the world as a whole.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see in every moment consistantly that i am the change. so change will not come from anywhere but right here.


do not wait for forgiveness. give it to urself. move the fuck on.