veterans day

so today is veterans day. the facebook status' thanking all the veterans for their services are up. the president laid a reef at the 'tomb of the unknown' as well as issued a tax credit for hiring unemployed vets. some will be giving a minute of silence. some are collecting candy to send over to the soldiers, others putting together as many gift baskets (food/candy/personal things a soldier needs) as possible to send over as well. i was watching the news about the establishment of a 'veterans court' where veterans who come home and commit crimes are able to be helped differently and receive different attention via our court system because they are a veteran. my sisters company (shes a liquor rep) has a program going on where if u buy a bottle of this specific type of alcohol the proceeds will go to purchasing cell phones and minutes for soldiers so they are able to call home and speak with their families.

ok, i am going to touch on each of these ways in which we call ourselves "honoring" or respecting or helping soldiers and veterans with some common sense and consideration of the whole.

-the facebook status' thanking all the veterans for their services are up.-
so we all hail these veterans because they fight in our wars. in this we disregard the whole or what war is, what it entails, its starting point. no one should support war. in a nutshell, war is murder from profit.


to deny that statement is to deny what that facts are regarding war, as a whole. war is started by beliefs. one side believes things should be this way, the other side believe things should be another way. both sides, in thier minds, think they are doing what is best for "their people", "their country", "their land" and that they are willing to manipulate/lie/hurt/kill to get their way. to profit in their eyes. the spoiled child, but for adults. there is lots of money in war. money to be made and spent. and in this spending and making of money and profits -the lives of many are disregarded. whether it is the soldiers of whichever country or the civilians of "the enemy". there is only one world. life is life. and life always pays the death debt of war. the fact that we ("us" and "them") feel like we need people that are willing to not only die, but kill other people (men, women, children, cities, either now or through the years due to physical consequences of our actions)- is a problem that is not being looked at within our "celebrating of veterans". we say these men and women fight for our "freedom" and/or bring "freedom" to others.

which is laughable because we are not free. we are slaves to much and many. and we fucking pay. just because u are born into this world does not mean u get the freedom to eat food/live once u get here. no. someone who has mentally decided to give a damn about u, above most others, has to go out and make some money then they will be able to buy food/give u the "freedom" to live. the breath is free. and until we are as the breath, we are not free.

-the president laid a reef at the 'tomb of the unknown' as well as issued a tax credit for hiring unemployed vets.-
separation is not best for all. as seen in the separation of religions in which wars are fought as a result. people willing do die and kill others to prove to self that selfs beLIEfS are right and superior to others beLIEfS. as seen in the separation of races of people in which wars are fought as a result. people willing to die and kill others to prove to self that selfs race is right and superior to other races. from separation leads to ideas of winners and losers. as seen in our current capitalistic system. there are tons of people unemployed right now. people. not veterans or non veterans or blacks or whites or mexicans or young or old. people. but we are accepting and allowing of a tax credit for hiring unemployed vets? when so many PEOPLE are in need of assistance? its very dismissive of the whole. and because we have accepted and allowed this capitalistic system as ourselves ( this system of required winners and losers) there is the probability that we will want to profit. either many will hire veterans for reasons of getting the tax cut or many will disregard others that need jobs and possess the skills to do said job and instantly go towards hiring a veteran for reasons of mental ideas connected to people who fight in wars..or the tax cut or all of they above in more. we have to consider it all within the system in which we operate and consider ourselves because we ultimately create and manifest the system in which we operate. we need to do things on a world wide scale. one world. one people. lets stop settling for helping small groups of people to assist them in creating mental ideas of being "lucky" or "blessed" or in any way superior to any other person. in doing that we accept and allow the physical consequences of moving through life with that mentality. which is much..

-some will be giving a minute of silence.-
what is the point of a minute of silence? well, the way we take 'a moment of silence' is to remember those who have died. we would rather remember what is done than to stop it from having to be done. the fact that we still solve our "unsolvable" with our 'go to solution' = murder is fascinating. because it is so widely accepted as something that "has to" go on in life. this shows the limitation we allow to live in and as us. well in actuality one point of silence is 'to hear something'. if nothing is being SAID to be HEARD by way of the silence, whats the point of the silence?

-some are collecting candy to send over to the soldiers, others putting together as many gift baskets (food/candy/personal things a soldier needs) as possible to send over as well.-
we supply these our soldiers with almost endless amounts of bullets and tanks and rations, we spend billions, yes BILLIONS, on war as a whole --- but we require charity (money from beings that are not fighting) to create baskets of what we consider delicious food and necessities ( shaving cream, favorite junk foods, books, wet wipes, tissue, sweets, whatever). if we have this great appreciation for our soldiers and what they are fighting for why does someone have to pay $70 to send a soldier some chips and shit? these people should be given whatever the hell they need. all people really. and the companies that sell this shit are ran by beings whos egos collectively attribute to us going to war in the first place are making a profit off something that should JUST be done. if it was about actually care and not presenting the illusion of care, these things would be done different. every aspect of how we help another.

-i was watching the news about the establishment of a 'veterans court' where veterans who come home and commit crimes are able to be helped differently and receive different attention via our court system because they are a veteran.-

soldiers deal with a lot of shit. they are thrust into a world where they must survive at all cost with people out there that are trying to kill them and hidden mines under the ground to which if stepped on while blow them to pieces not being able to sleep comfortably most of the time, always hearing or seeing others die around them. its a lot of shit. and if one is looking at things within self honesty one will see that all are going through these same things. all is a reflection of our current acceptance and allowance of ourselves. we are all thrust into a world where we must survive at all cost in the capitalistic system that accepts that there will be winners and losers. that accepts there will be people left at the waist side. we are all surrounded by people that are trying to kill us. whether it is by way of money, as one must have money to eat and eats to live, or by way of one of the many beings who, with the help of this world as a whole, have manifested themselves as murders. we are all looking out for mines in relation to cancer, sexually transmitted diseases (because MANY people are deceptive or simply not self aware at all. as we breed us to be..) and many dis eases that plague our earth which we really dont know in totality how they manifest all the time. thousands of people die around us daily. just depends on ones mental ideas about what "around me" is - versus what ,in actuality, around us all is. all the same shit in different forms. but the same shit nonetheless. which is why many PEOPLE are dealing with the same things as a veteran that has been to war would. and many -all- PEOPLE are in need of the attention we want to separately give to the veterans. we want to get to the bottom and help these veterans instead of just send them to jail like we do with "regular" people. creating the separation of veterans and "regular" people, the superiority of veterans over "regular" people, the worth of the life of veterans over "regular" people. this is not best for all in any account. with the establishment of this 'veterans court' we are saying a number of things. we are saying that our "regular" people court system is not equip to deal with the needs of a veteran who comes back and commits a crime. we are saying that veterans are more deserving of assistance than "regular" people. we are saying that we require a special court for veterans only to help in the way that we should be helping all people if we valued all people but since we value the life of a veteran over the life of a "regular" person they need to have their own court to go to when they fuck up. this is obviously a lack of care for the whole. and one of many acts that disregard people as a whole.

my sisters company (shes a liquor rep) has a program going on where if u buy a bottle of this specific type of alcohol the proceeds will go to purchasing cell phones and minutes for soldiers so they are able to call home and speak with their families.
we spend billions of dollars on war. billions of dollars are made in profits of war. we spend billions of dollars each year on television advertisement. but we cant spend a couple thousand to send each soldier a fucking cell phone and minutes? we have to get people to purchase a specific type of alcohol (attached to a brand profiting off of the need for soldiers to be able to call home)in order to let our soldiers who we claim we honor and respect so greatly have access to a cell phone and minutes? in this we disregard the fact that alcohol is one of the leading causes of unnecessary deaths in the entire world, we disregard the conditional existence we create for our soldiers (as we do for the world as a whole),we disregard the honor and respect we call ourselves wanting to give to veterans above all people. not seeing we actually disregard veterans as we disregard people. as we try to emit the illusion of care for both. when presented with the new project at work, 'minutes for soldiers', my sister immediately saw the common sense point of , why dont we just GIVE them phones and minutes. they had an actual soldier there that she asked if they actually get these phones and these minutes. to which the soldier said yes and its cool because they cannot always get to a place where they are able to phone home. and my sister asked the big elephant question in the room of why dont we just GIVE soldiers phones and minutes. there was a moment of silence. and then they responded that they didnt know. but quickly left the bullshit untouched and encouraged to push this specific alcohol and the program.

there is so much hypocracy within our collective actions as people. we say this day is to honor those who fight or die at war. the best way to honor them is to do everything we have every done completely different. every way we use to address a situation, stop that and do that different. every way we use to address opposition, stop that and do that different. every way we raise people up to be, stop that and do that different. to where war is not an option or possibility in our world. it is possible. change is not only possible, its necessary. there is much to consider as to why things are the way they are. starting with our individual/collective acceptance and allowance of ourselves.

roscoe, pets and george

walking downstairs this morning i noticed a ladybug at the top of the stairs. it wasnt moving so i went to pick it up on this piece of plastic and check it out. he started moving so i knew he was alive and i went to take him out the front door. on the way to the front door i noticed he was having trouble moving. i got outside the door and i went to put it in the bush but, well i just didnt lol. i brought him back in and told my sister i thought its legs were fucked up cause it was having trouble walking. i walked upstairs with it then walked downstairs and out the door again then back inside. i told my sister i was going to do some research on ladybugs before i put it outside. so i came in and placed it on my aloe plant and went online. i found out that there are over 5000 different species of ladybug and 400 here in north america. they are omnivores which mean they can eat asphids (other bugs found on plants) or damp rasins :). i read, to give it water one should we a paper towel to damp but not dripping so the ladybug can drink from it. so i immediately went to do that. i placed the small starter piece of paper towel near him on my aloe plant. he was already touching it when i came back to check on him. i moved it a little bit away to see if he was actually drinking from it and he promptly moved back to where he was touching it. so i realised he WAS drinking from it. they live 1-3 years depending on the conditions. the male and female ladybugs both have spots and u cant really tell the sex visually unless u compare tons of ladybugs because females are usually larger. my sister heard somewhere that all females are spotless so instead of resting in what was heard we looked it up. this was a 16 spotted beetle. ladybugs are sometimes kept during the winter and released in the spring time. its best to release a ladybug u find inside during months when the weather is warm so it has time to find a place to hibernate for the winter. yes! ladybugs hibernate like bears. and since its cold out right now and could snow any day i realised this ladybug probably wont find a place to get snug so i decided to have it as a guest and named him roscoe :). just a name that came to me. i checked to make sure i wasnt connecting him to any other past memories or anything and saw clarity. so, roscoe is here for as long as he is here. the plan is to keep him until the spring and then let him go. i am not sure if hes a boy or girl but ladybugs wont lay eggs if they are hibernating inside a home. even if they did, he is still welcome here.


























i needed to go to the pet store to pick up some things. i have three pets right now ( or they have me :)..four in u include roscoe. ganja is my snake. shes a ball python. i have had ganja for about 5 or 6 years now. she belonged to a friend of mine who bought her when she was really small. i would go see her at his place or hed bring her when he came to visit but the land lady at his place did not want them to have a snake. so he asked if i wanted her. i did! i was really into snakes for some reason and i really liked/thought it was kinda cool that i was totally afraid of birds (at that time) but loved snakes. fucking silliness... so i got ganja. at the pet store i got ganja mice. two large. there were some mice mommas in there nursing their tiny little hairless mice babies. i asked the guy who was helping me,nick, when do they take the mice away from the mother to be sold as feeders. he said they actually sell them now. i said, really? i was kinda sad about it. ya know, babies being ripped away from the parents so young. i mean, fuck these little mice babies couldnt even walk. nick says, well what are u feeding? i said a ball python snake. he says well consider that small snakes, baby snakes, have to eat too. i was like, damn, ur right about that. its all about context. it is NOT the same as us ripping baby elephants from their parents to abuse them and make them do stupid ass tricks for our amusement. and one must be careful to not create ideas in which to refer to later. careful that realisations do not become twisted ideas and future assumptions. that is not living. that is not here. that is the mind creating and directing. i realised that i had saw the video on elephants and ringling brothers and actually created this idea about babies and parents and forgot about practicality and oneness within it all as the bottom line. so that was cool to realise.


























chaka is my dog. my buddy. my pal :). shes so cool. i got her when i was breaking up with my ex. he never wanted me to have a dog and i knew things were fucked and fucking us both and i was about to leave anyway (which i did) so i got chaka :). i found her online on a site similar to craigslist. a woman two hours away had chaka and her brother. i drove to get her, got into a hit and run car accident, car broken down on the way back ( my boyfriend at the times car). but chaka and i were fine. and we were together. at the pet store i got a chew toy for chaka. a small toy that looks like a tire that you can place peanut butter into. she digs it.


hellboy is my beta fish. my sister was in town for a couple months and brought him over from my aunts place. my aunt got it for my cousins but they had no interest in it. it had all the componets with it: a small plastic "fish tank", a net, food, plants (fake ones).. all of which he did not seem to enjoy at all. he was trying to swim around but putting one fake plant in there took up so much room. i asked my sister if she didnt mind me taking him when i moved out. my brother named him 'cherry g' when he first came but i saw him as and named him hellboy for his bright colors. my sister said she didnt mind if i took him so i am. she was looking at the fish tanks when i was getting mice and called me over mentioning it may be cool to get hellboy a live plant for his tank and also said that i could use one of the old vases in the kitchen to give him more room. so i chose the red melon plant. the color of the center leave resembled hellboys color.

























we walked down the isle looking at all the fish. i would sometimes say "hello fish" and tap on the glass. we were talking a couple of days ago about the echo through the water of a fish tank if u tap on it but we didnt have a clear answer. one of the guys was filling a tank and i asked him if the fish hear a loud echo when we tap on the glass. he said yes they do and its actually very loud and uncomfortable for the fish. that the sound travels in the water and fucks with the fish. in not a cool way at all. i asked him, why do we not talk about this? he said, well u didnt ask me. -- and i want to mention that for a split second (really a split second) i got a little pissy. i thought " damn that was a pissy ass response." but i quickly got the fuck out of my head and back there in the isle with him and realised his answer wasnt pissy at all. it was actual. i asked him why we didnt talk about this and many people assume we means u and me only. so thats the response he gave. we (he and i) didnt talk about it before because i did not ask him. so when i realised that i knew that if i put a bit of emphasis on the WE he would broaden the part to the whole. -- i said, no, why dont WE talk about this. he said, u know what i am not sure. and he said how he thinks that is the problem with society. we dont talk or want to talk about many things. i agreed of course. we talked about people limiting themselves and not being able to see themselves in another. he said he has kids and they are the reason he wants to be more open and honest because.. and he was having trouble getting it out. so i said, this is not the world u want reflected in ur childrens eyes. he says exactly. we talked for a while in the isle, he my sister and i. and its funny to watch the physical. its so fucking supportive for self awareness and being HERE. because when i first started talking to him he wasnt mean at all but his body was really stiff. and it showed. as we talked his muscles loosened up and he was just there with us. his name is george. he is the manager at the pet store. cool guy. shook my hand and asked if we'd come in to chat again. which i totally will.

baby found in trash bin being eaten by ants, prayer

im seeing this photo passed around facebook with the title 'facebook prayer request. please pray for this baby that was found in a bin being eaten by ants :(' and some that say 'if u have a heart then pass this along'


it is completly ignorant to pass this picture around asking people to pray for this child. this child is not happy about or thankful for this choice of actions upon hearing it was dumped in a trash bag and almost eaten alive by ants. this is not what this child wants or needs.



we, as a society, need to get fucking real. we have been praying for shit to happen for eons and eons of time which is funny to me because we also accept that the person who we think we are praying to does what he wants and does what it is his will and does what he sees fit. so the very act in our praying for shit but also saying 'if he gives it he gives it. if he doesnt he doesnt want it to be for some secret reason' is redundant cause ultimately all is up to the "plan" or the desires of the egoic god. so that is why we accept that starvation, rape, abuse of animals, inequality, manipulation, wars are things that we cannot do anything to stop. because we accept that we prayed for it to stop and it didnt stop, so there is no more that we can do but live with it as best we can. this is the attitude of those who rest in prayer.
2 corinthians 20:1-30 "the battle is the lords". it is taught in the bible that the world is a battle and the battle is the lords. as a result of prayer we have become complacent within the abdication of responsibility. which is why when one feels they know they can do nothing for u, they pray for u. --prayer requires an 'i am limited/ i am inferior/ i am unable' attitude. and that is NOT what that child/ any child being brought into this world needs from the beings here. the "grown" ups.


this child has some questions:

what, the fuck, is prayer going to do for me?
where was prayer and mercy before i was placed in a trash bin?
why do u hear what has happened to me, and other atrocities to other babies and not consider requiring preparation for parenting here?
do u care about babies enouch to change ur ways of treating all beings in general?
do u want to stop abuse and the things within beings that causes one to abuse another or just sit, eyes closed to the reality of it and pray that it stops?
why do u not see that the world reflects what we allow to live in each one of us?
if ur prayers have done nothing for the countless beings that are currently starving,being beaten, raped, sold into sex slavery, all under the accepted system of abuse in the world, what do u think prayer will do for me?
why have u not considered an equal money system?


we need to change the definiton of being a human being to one that respects all life equally. so none are ever disrespected and disgarded. stop praying for change and manifest it with us. investigate a new system. one that values life. period. www.equalmoney.org

cancer, bottle caps, limitation and the illusion of care

a few weeks ago i worked this event where we were trying to get kids interested in tennis. we had these courts set up and rackets that were smaller sized geared to the hands of children rather than a normal sized racket. we hit balls around with them and gave them pointers about tennis and stretching and just overall encouragement for the children in relation to tennis. this was a hot day so we had tons of water. the first thing i noticed showing up was that there were empty water bottles everywhere. i only worked back up the first day of the event meaning i show up and if i was needed i stay, if not i go. so the first day i went. upon showing up the second day to actually work i noticed the empty bottles. i assumed that we were giving these water bottles to the children and parents that came as well as the people working as to "why" there were so many empty water bottles everywhere. turns out the water bottles where just for BAs (brand ambassadors). it was as though no BA had put a water bottle in a trash can at all the whole first day. so after i was told that they were all ours, i went around and picked them all up while being looked at like i was crazy for doing so. we had a big set up in a parking lot and the BAs assumed it was ok to just throw the empty plastic water bottles on the ground for those that clean the lot to pick up when we had many trash cans surrounding the area of our set up. we wished to display the illusion of care for kids and their health in relation to getting out and getting involved in tennis (care with a self interested chaser) but could not care to put our trash in a trash can and show ALL AROUND, true, conditionless, limitless care for kids by taking care of the earth we bring them onto.
at the end of the day we were wrapping things up with paperwork and such and i look to the side and see this guy, a fellow BA, going through the trash cans and taking the bottle caps off of all of the empty water bottles. i went over and asked him why he was doing that. he said he had forgot that his wife told him to get all the bottle caps he could because there is a program that gives kids free chemotherapy for bottle caps that are brouught in. ~breathe~ now when he said this another BA near us hearing this was like "ohh thats so cool that they do that". ~breathe~..ok i honestly just wanted to scream and say "ARE WE FUCKING SERIOUS WITH THIS ILLUSION OF CARE BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!" i have to watch were anger tries to direct me. there are moments when i see injustice or people spouting bullshit or even myself about to or just subconsiously spout some bullshit and i just want to break down in tears lol. it really saddens me. not like im overwhelemed with guilt or anything. its just like, "really with this shit?!!?..damn.". but there is no action within reacting. so i had to breathe through that inital moment of sadness and anger at the situation and i said that it really suks that we have the ability to help people with cancer with chemotherapy but we make everything about profit instead of people. i said if we REALLY cared about people with cancer in a respect of life we would give them chemotherapy or whatever treatment they needed. period. the guy said, "yeah thats so true but every little bit helps." .. in actuality, every little bit does not help. its the manifestation of limitation. and this accepted limitation only breeds more limitation. thats why we accept that giving to a charity that helps a couple people is doing the "right" thing or practical thing. why we accept that doing a food drive that feeds a neighborhood of people actually does anything for reason starvation exist and stopping it. why we get excited at a program that says one child dying of cancer who brings in tons of water bottle caps should get more hours of chemo than another child dying of cancer who has no way of drinking clean water let along collecting water bottle caps. until we stop accepting limitaion as a way of life, all we do will be manifested from our self accept limitation.
i did some digging afterward and found out the 'caps for chemo' program was a hoax. there is so much misinformation out there and it says much about us that we would rather accept something as immediate truth when heard instead of investigating it. so now that guy spends his time collecting caps for no reason and feeling good about himself for what he considers helping. as a result of this accepted limitation within the definiton of helping and care, we accept and allow people with cancer to die everyday when we have the ability and resources to honestly help all of them. we accept and allow people to die everyday of starvation when we have the ability and resources to feed all of them. we accept and allow this by accepting and allowing a system that values profit over life. by accepting and allowing a system that makes a fixed game out of life. it is time we collectively/individually take steps to correct this point. and that begins with the implementation of a system that truley cares for life as a whole. the equal money system.
in an equal money system help, in regards to the needs of cancer patients, would be given conditionlessly to all that need it. period. it would no longer be about money or making people collect water bottle caps or jump through hoops to fucking live. life will no longer be the accepted survival game that it is now. there will be no losers or winners, worthys and unworthys. the value we currently give to life is disgusting. within an equal money system the respect of life as a whole is the bottom line from which all actions will stem from.

investigate the equal money system ~ www.equalmoney.org ~