a chat -- recognition

so i was having a chat with my friend. he was talking about how he wanted his life to be different. he stated that he wanted to be recognized publicly for something "good". in the past he had worked on projects that he considers "good" or considers a contribution to society. in the medical field on a project that distributed organs to people who needed it, on fortune 1,2,3 hundred company projects managing large groups of people. various actions he considers "worthy" of attention from the public. and within those projects he received no recognition. and if he did received recognition it wasnt "big" enough for him to consider it public enough. or "good" enough.

currently what he is doing is expanding a business he considers a nothing contribution to the world. he feels its just something that he has ended up doing and since he cannot turn it into something he is "proud" of, he strives to turn it into something widely lucrative. so if he cannot be doing something "good" to which he would receive recognition, of which he "requires" to "feel good" about what he is doing, he has settled for doing something that will make him more money.

its interesting because there was a lot we talked about within this point of him needing recognition. going back to the attention that was received, or in his case not received from his parents. which was pointed out as something that this point of needing public recognition stems from. i talked about how the point of movement should not be dictated or judged by how many people saw or talked about or recognized u doing it. that 'that which needs to be done', needs to be done. and being recognized is not a necessity of life. its a necessity of the mind. its something that makes us feel "good" but we dont consider that the simple act of doing 'that which needs to be done' should be enough in and of itself. the value in the simple movement that is best for all life is missed in favor of stroking the ego through the mental "need" to be recognized. i mentioned that a lot is shown about a person within how they treat someone who can do absolutely nothing in return for them and within doing something "good" that no one will ever know about unless u go spouting about how much recognition u should get for this and that. not seeing the compromise of self within a "good deed".

when i pointed out some of those^ things it was "hard" for him to hear. he said why am i always picking and taking out the negative within everything. to which i responded that i was not doing that at all. what i was doing is not being afraid to address much of what we brush over in the way of 'what is', not being afraid to consider much that is being overlooked in terms of ALL of what an action or statement means and entails. not resting in "negative" or "positive" but seeing shit for what it really was. and i mentioned that we cannot do that with shame because this is ALL 'us shit' here. all of it. if we are not willing to look at it all (every minute detail of us), how can we do anything different..

i talked to him about self forgiveness. to release the ideas he has accepted and allowed and currently used to manifest the situations in his life. we talked about him essentially walking the path of his parents within the way he accepts and allows the things that were adopted from or introduced to him through the actions and beliefs of his parents. we agreed that this was at the core of many of the things he considered 'issues' within himself.

cool chat..

..just not enough money

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY PEOPLE!!!

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all beings are able to eat food in order to stay alive once they are born

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all beings have access to clean water to drink

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all students have a way to and from school

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that our definition of 'education' is one that takes all into consideration and is not selective and dependent on money and profit

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all children have access to care givers that give true care

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that we have an adequate number of teachers to teach our youth

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all beings are clothed

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all have access to all the great abundance of resources the earth provides us

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that in our process of life here that we respect all beings

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that the 'within' of each being is taken care of first and foremost because we collectively manifest the 'without'

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all can be trusted with life in every form

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all are guaranteed education not dependent and subject to the profit motives of self interest

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all animals will be treated with the same respect and dignity we would want ourselves extended

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all children born into this world are guaranteed a dignified life

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that we know the importance of self responsibility and a collective oneness within all that is here

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all beings being brought into this world are being brought into a world that is compassionate caring and considerate as a starting point

THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO... assure that all beings are able be trusted with life

theres just not enough fucking money?...

this shows that we value money more than life. as we have accepted and allowed and manifested an existence where money dictates whether u live or die- eat or starve- work or beg- can play this game we have made out of life or are played by this game we have made out of life. money is not how we trade and achieve mutual benefit as many hold as a core "purpose" of money. in actuality its action and movement that is the real act of trading to achieve what is best for all. not money. this idea of importance we give money is simply that. and idea. this cotton (money) means so much to us mentally that we have traded life for the glorification of an idea over life. our collective movement is not dependent on valuing money. its dependent on valuing life.

what if these things, which we can all see the collective importance in, were not dependent on money.. if life, not money, was the value from which action and movement was based.. where all do not come into this world striving to capitalize on all others here.. where support is the foundation that will be found at birth til death.. where growth, learning, fun and support all intertwine together..

investigate--> www.equalmoney.org

veterans day

so today is veterans day. the facebook status' thanking all the veterans for their services are up. the president laid a reef at the 'tomb of the unknown' as well as issued a tax credit for hiring unemployed vets. some will be giving a minute of silence. some are collecting candy to send over to the soldiers, others putting together as many gift baskets (food/candy/personal things a soldier needs) as possible to send over as well. i was watching the news about the establishment of a 'veterans court' where veterans who come home and commit crimes are able to be helped differently and receive different attention via our court system because they are a veteran. my sisters company (shes a liquor rep) has a program going on where if u buy a bottle of this specific type of alcohol the proceeds will go to purchasing cell phones and minutes for soldiers so they are able to call home and speak with their families.

ok, i am going to touch on each of these ways in which we call ourselves "honoring" or respecting or helping soldiers and veterans with some common sense and consideration of the whole.

-the facebook status' thanking all the veterans for their services are up.-
so we all hail these veterans because they fight in our wars. in this we disregard the whole or what war is, what it entails, its starting point. no one should support war. in a nutshell, war is murder from profit.


to deny that statement is to deny what that facts are regarding war, as a whole. war is started by beliefs. one side believes things should be this way, the other side believe things should be another way. both sides, in thier minds, think they are doing what is best for "their people", "their country", "their land" and that they are willing to manipulate/lie/hurt/kill to get their way. to profit in their eyes. the spoiled child, but for adults. there is lots of money in war. money to be made and spent. and in this spending and making of money and profits -the lives of many are disregarded. whether it is the soldiers of whichever country or the civilians of "the enemy". there is only one world. life is life. and life always pays the death debt of war. the fact that we ("us" and "them") feel like we need people that are willing to not only die, but kill other people (men, women, children, cities, either now or through the years due to physical consequences of our actions)- is a problem that is not being looked at within our "celebrating of veterans". we say these men and women fight for our "freedom" and/or bring "freedom" to others.

which is laughable because we are not free. we are slaves to much and many. and we fucking pay. just because u are born into this world does not mean u get the freedom to eat food/live once u get here. no. someone who has mentally decided to give a damn about u, above most others, has to go out and make some money then they will be able to buy food/give u the "freedom" to live. the breath is free. and until we are as the breath, we are not free.

-the president laid a reef at the 'tomb of the unknown' as well as issued a tax credit for hiring unemployed vets.-
separation is not best for all. as seen in the separation of religions in which wars are fought as a result. people willing do die and kill others to prove to self that selfs beLIEfS are right and superior to others beLIEfS. as seen in the separation of races of people in which wars are fought as a result. people willing to die and kill others to prove to self that selfs race is right and superior to other races. from separation leads to ideas of winners and losers. as seen in our current capitalistic system. there are tons of people unemployed right now. people. not veterans or non veterans or blacks or whites or mexicans or young or old. people. but we are accepting and allowing of a tax credit for hiring unemployed vets? when so many PEOPLE are in need of assistance? its very dismissive of the whole. and because we have accepted and allowed this capitalistic system as ourselves ( this system of required winners and losers) there is the probability that we will want to profit. either many will hire veterans for reasons of getting the tax cut or many will disregard others that need jobs and possess the skills to do said job and instantly go towards hiring a veteran for reasons of mental ideas connected to people who fight in wars..or the tax cut or all of they above in more. we have to consider it all within the system in which we operate and consider ourselves because we ultimately create and manifest the system in which we operate. we need to do things on a world wide scale. one world. one people. lets stop settling for helping small groups of people to assist them in creating mental ideas of being "lucky" or "blessed" or in any way superior to any other person. in doing that we accept and allow the physical consequences of moving through life with that mentality. which is much..

-some will be giving a minute of silence.-
what is the point of a minute of silence? well, the way we take 'a moment of silence' is to remember those who have died. we would rather remember what is done than to stop it from having to be done. the fact that we still solve our "unsolvable" with our 'go to solution' = murder is fascinating. because it is so widely accepted as something that "has to" go on in life. this shows the limitation we allow to live in and as us. well in actuality one point of silence is 'to hear something'. if nothing is being SAID to be HEARD by way of the silence, whats the point of the silence?

-some are collecting candy to send over to the soldiers, others putting together as many gift baskets (food/candy/personal things a soldier needs) as possible to send over as well.-
we supply these our soldiers with almost endless amounts of bullets and tanks and rations, we spend billions, yes BILLIONS, on war as a whole --- but we require charity (money from beings that are not fighting) to create baskets of what we consider delicious food and necessities ( shaving cream, favorite junk foods, books, wet wipes, tissue, sweets, whatever). if we have this great appreciation for our soldiers and what they are fighting for why does someone have to pay $70 to send a soldier some chips and shit? these people should be given whatever the hell they need. all people really. and the companies that sell this shit are ran by beings whos egos collectively attribute to us going to war in the first place are making a profit off something that should JUST be done. if it was about actually care and not presenting the illusion of care, these things would be done different. every aspect of how we help another.

-i was watching the news about the establishment of a 'veterans court' where veterans who come home and commit crimes are able to be helped differently and receive different attention via our court system because they are a veteran.-

soldiers deal with a lot of shit. they are thrust into a world where they must survive at all cost with people out there that are trying to kill them and hidden mines under the ground to which if stepped on while blow them to pieces not being able to sleep comfortably most of the time, always hearing or seeing others die around them. its a lot of shit. and if one is looking at things within self honesty one will see that all are going through these same things. all is a reflection of our current acceptance and allowance of ourselves. we are all thrust into a world where we must survive at all cost in the capitalistic system that accepts that there will be winners and losers. that accepts there will be people left at the waist side. we are all surrounded by people that are trying to kill us. whether it is by way of money, as one must have money to eat and eats to live, or by way of one of the many beings who, with the help of this world as a whole, have manifested themselves as murders. we are all looking out for mines in relation to cancer, sexually transmitted diseases (because MANY people are deceptive or simply not self aware at all. as we breed us to be..) and many dis eases that plague our earth which we really dont know in totality how they manifest all the time. thousands of people die around us daily. just depends on ones mental ideas about what "around me" is - versus what ,in actuality, around us all is. all the same shit in different forms. but the same shit nonetheless. which is why many PEOPLE are dealing with the same things as a veteran that has been to war would. and many -all- PEOPLE are in need of the attention we want to separately give to the veterans. we want to get to the bottom and help these veterans instead of just send them to jail like we do with "regular" people. creating the separation of veterans and "regular" people, the superiority of veterans over "regular" people, the worth of the life of veterans over "regular" people. this is not best for all in any account. with the establishment of this 'veterans court' we are saying a number of things. we are saying that our "regular" people court system is not equip to deal with the needs of a veteran who comes back and commits a crime. we are saying that veterans are more deserving of assistance than "regular" people. we are saying that we require a special court for veterans only to help in the way that we should be helping all people if we valued all people but since we value the life of a veteran over the life of a "regular" person they need to have their own court to go to when they fuck up. this is obviously a lack of care for the whole. and one of many acts that disregard people as a whole.

my sisters company (shes a liquor rep) has a program going on where if u buy a bottle of this specific type of alcohol the proceeds will go to purchasing cell phones and minutes for soldiers so they are able to call home and speak with their families.
we spend billions of dollars on war. billions of dollars are made in profits of war. we spend billions of dollars each year on television advertisement. but we cant spend a couple thousand to send each soldier a fucking cell phone and minutes? we have to get people to purchase a specific type of alcohol (attached to a brand profiting off of the need for soldiers to be able to call home)in order to let our soldiers who we claim we honor and respect so greatly have access to a cell phone and minutes? in this we disregard the fact that alcohol is one of the leading causes of unnecessary deaths in the entire world, we disregard the conditional existence we create for our soldiers (as we do for the world as a whole),we disregard the honor and respect we call ourselves wanting to give to veterans above all people. not seeing we actually disregard veterans as we disregard people. as we try to emit the illusion of care for both. when presented with the new project at work, 'minutes for soldiers', my sister immediately saw the common sense point of , why dont we just GIVE them phones and minutes. they had an actual soldier there that she asked if they actually get these phones and these minutes. to which the soldier said yes and its cool because they cannot always get to a place where they are able to phone home. and my sister asked the big elephant question in the room of why dont we just GIVE soldiers phones and minutes. there was a moment of silence. and then they responded that they didnt know. but quickly left the bullshit untouched and encouraged to push this specific alcohol and the program.

there is so much hypocracy within our collective actions as people. we say this day is to honor those who fight or die at war. the best way to honor them is to do everything we have every done completely different. every way we use to address a situation, stop that and do that different. every way we use to address opposition, stop that and do that different. every way we raise people up to be, stop that and do that different. to where war is not an option or possibility in our world. it is possible. change is not only possible, its necessary. there is much to consider as to why things are the way they are. starting with our individual/collective acceptance and allowance of ourselves.

the physical

the physical is very supportive if one is paying attention and not trying to make factual things out of fictional thoughts- but remaining here and present within movement.


for example...

if one is eating and in the mind thinking about all kinds of shit ("do i look weird eating this way?" "maybe i should go on a diet.." "my car and job really suk." "i wonder if that guy will ask me out.." etc) then one is not here with the food and the fork and the body and the chair and the table in the physical. one is in the mind and the mind is not HERE physically present with the food and the fork and the body and the chair and the table. can one touch a thought? no. thoughts are not physically here. and the physical is always here and moving without malice or judgment or goodness or hurtfulness or morbidness or a rosey outlook. its simply here. so- if one is eating and in the mind one may bite their tongue. this happens and we get pissed. pissed at the tongue, at the food. we say "damn! I bit my tongue!" but yet we fail to realise that the physical is supporting us to realise that we were not physically HERE to stop OUR OWN teeth from biting OUR OWN tongue.

if one is driving a car and in the mind thinking all kinds of shit ( "these drivers are all such bad drivers. im a good driver." "damn if i dont hurry im going to be late then i might get fired and i NEED that money!" "i hope no one doesnt hit me.." "i wonder what everyone is going to be doing this weekend? maybe there is a party going on. i need a drink." "my car is so ugly. i need to get a brand new car like that person over there.." "damn i wish i had more money to get..." etc...) then one is not there with the car and the wheel and the road and the people in the physical. even singing and being SO into "your song" creating emotionality and bringing up memories regarding said song is not the practical way that one should drive. it is very important to be HERE while driving, while doing anything actually but in this example while driving. it takes a split second of driving while in the mind to miss a needless incident coming ones way. and this happens so fucking often that it really saddens me that we dont individually/collectively take notice to this bullshit and pay attention and be present while fucking driving. not being HERE is the cause of most accidents and deaths on the roadway as well as deaths for animals(which is needless because the road does NOT belong to us only. it belongs to ALL equally. even animals that simply need to pass). wether that 'not being here' is attributed to tons of thoughts going through ones head, being fucking drunk/tipsy (i cannot count how many of the people that i know drive after they have been drinking even though we KNOW KNOW KNOW that self is not present when alcohol is involved and that this causes many accidents and deaths. where is care?), being fearful of others on the road or speeding/rushing and disregarding others on the road. and then when an accident occurs everyone is pissed off and we look for one person to blame. we dont collectively teach and advocate practical ways of being a human being. so everything that comes after that bullshit starting point (driving, playing, working, school systems, the law, our idea of giving, our idea of helping, birthing human beings, our hospital system..etc) has the potential to manifest into bullshit as well. as shown in the state of the world currently.

if one is walking and in the mind, not HERE in the physical, one might trip and fall and break/scrap/injure a part of ones physical body. THAT is the physical trying to let one know, "hey, u were not here when this what about to happen to us. so if u are not HERE to direct u/us, where ever u are (in the mind) is directing u/us". then we get pissed at "luck" saying oh i just have such "bad luck". we never want to see ourselves within the bullshit. its always some other reason why this or that has happened. its never because we accepted and allowed it to happen. which is, in actuality, the ONLY reason anything happens in this world. by our individual/collective acceptance and allowance.

i have gotten into car accidents, hurt other people in various ways, *slit the tendons in my hand for which i now type with 9 fingers only, walked into walls or doors, stubbed my toe, dropped and broken things, hurt animals, wasted food, missed appointments, missed opportunities to help others, missed opportunities to change the world needlessly -all because i was not paying attention. being in the mind instead of being HERE and present within consideration of all (things and people) in my actions.
what about u?
consider all the things that have gone on/do go on in the world because we dont pay attention to the whole in relation to the things that we do. wars, rapes, murders, slavery (historical and modern day), killing off of animals, ruining portions of the earth in which we ALL reside on, placing value in money instead of where value belongs -in life-, starvation, disregard of life...

eating, driving and walking are just three of the things that if done while in the mind manifest bullshit in the world. consider the fact that we have been doing EVERYTHING from the starting point of the mind (with a self interested chaser..) since the beginning of time. all the while we completely miss that being physically HERE is key to stopping all the "whoops" and "oops" and bullshit in the world that we "dont know" how or why it continues to happens.

the mind/thoughts cannot be trusted. only the physical, what is HERE and verifiable and touchable, can be trusted. the mind says one must survive and strive to be the happiest one can be in this world. the physical proves that NONE survive ultimately. we all die. that is assured. that is verifiable and touchable. yet we all carry on trying to attain this mental idea of "surviving". like we can. the physical also proves that there is plenty here for all to live a dignified and happy life if one thinks of ALL in relation to self and do what is best for ALL -which includes self-.

attention is the only bill that is free to pay. but we, as a society, push it aside so very often...

consequences, emotion, realisations, self support, walking

its been a trying couple of days for myself. dealing with tons of shit and having to realise that being emotional and reacting within emotion actually does nothing. and this is a true statement though many may mention the "realease" that one feels after a good cry or after a fight feeling as though something we dealt with however that is not the practical way to deal with anything and what needs to be dealt with, within dealing this way, is actual disregarded in favor of doing something that makes self feel better. its actually unnecessary if one is walking constantly. being emotional when faced with hard times is kinda like a cop-out/ a 'woe is tree'/a give up. its like saying "i give up because i dont feel i can walk through this situation so instead i will sit here and be emotional about it". its kinda selfish really, getting emotional. and goes back to the beginning point i had to face through these trying couple of days. abdication of responsibility... hellboy died. when he first came into the house he was not "my fish". i didnt see him as "my fish". and in that 'hes not mine' mind i did not take full responsibility for him. though i could see that responsibility was needed with him, because i had not made him "mine" in my head (mind fuckery) yet. i did not walk within responsibility for this being because this being was not "mine". this is a big point within our world i realised. there are many things we need to take collective responsibility for in which we do not because we see these things as not "my problem". so all these things that we see as not "my problem" (the starvation of someone else or someone elses children, the rape of someone else or someone elses children, the abuse of someone else or someone elses children, war, etc..) have consequences if they are not dealt with practically. hence, the world. we dont feel we should or even that we can take responsibility for them. because we have not mentally attached the problem to ourselves. which is a mind fuck because wether we mentally attach the problem to ourselves or not, we are still the constant. our collective abdication of responsibility in the world is a direct reflection of the abdication of responsibility within each one of us. so because of my abdication of responsibility for hellboy, i did not deal with the cleaning of his little tank at first. i would feed him, but not take full responsibility for him as a whole. by the time i actually mentally decided to make him "mine" the consequences of by abdication of responsibility were already on their way within the physical (which moves and continues its support without goodness, badness, or judgement--so supportive, the physical. blog to come on how supportive the physical just being the physical is). all those weeks of not taking responsibility for his tank water and researching how to properly take care of a beta fish were still here even though i had recently considered my responsibility through the mental connection of "mine". there is no escaping responsibility. so in the morning i went to feed hellboy and he had this gray film all over his body and he was moving sluggish. his water was clear and clean but he looked terrible. i took him out of the water and called the pet store. i told them what was going on and they asked if his tank was clean. to which i said yes. they informed me that if you put food in a beta tank and the fish does not eat the food within 5 minutes we should take the food out of the tank because the food grows bacteria and its deposited within the water and the fish is constantly in the water so the bacteria is deposited within the fish. this physically manifest fungus on the fish. she said they sell drops that u can add to the water to help the fish. i called my sister and told her hellboy wasnt doing very good and needed this drops to help him. she said she would take me to get them when she got off work as i was watching my niece at home. throughout the day he got worst and worst til he took his last breath. by the time the fungus manifested physically it was too late. the consequences for my abdication of responsibility for this life was already here......

right after hellboy died (before i had a look at myself within it) my little sister called and told me that she joined the army. i did not take this well. knowing that my sister does not like war or superiority or authority or being made to feel inferior i knew that this was about money. and i called her out on that. she says money is not the main reason and spouted out some shit that was spouted out to her from a recruiter about security and setting up life for her and her future children. i told her was is fucking ignorant and that she has many other options but shes taking this "easy" route because of the money they are promising her and shes not considering that she could be sent to fight and die. she says she could die right now. yes, but that does not mean u should go play in traffic. looking at this in relation to myself i see that i recall when i was approached with the "opportunity" to join the army. my roomate and i at the time wasnt making much money at our amazon.com factor job so we were about to join the army. the recruiter made promises and said what he could do for me and my life. i had just found desteni and jack and was at a pretty crazy place in my process but ultimately i could not do something like that for money... my sister wanted to end the conversation with the manipulative 'i love u?' to which i did not want to sugar coat reality with that emotional goodbye. after ten minutes of overwhelming tears i had to look at myself within this all. i was actually disappointed with my sister. disappointed that she was taking what is seen as an "easy way" in life, instead of facing her laziness and fear of survival. i realised i was judging her (in relation to what i did and apparent made the idea in my head that its the same thing she should have done) instead of supporting her. and supporting her did not necessarily mean saying "great! u joined the army, ur going to get money. thats awesome ur doing something with ur life". i was just telling her how bullshit the decision was and how i was not going to support it. not realising i can support the sister without supporting the decision. and this is something i have to realise in relation to my facebook which i have been accepting and allowing to get to me. half my facebook is destonians or the awakening which is fucking awesome. the links they post, comments, likes-- its all supportive. and then half my facebook is fuckery which fucking suks. the links, comments and likes these people post are straight fucking bullshit. and i have to see myself within this as well. i was a fuckery supporter for many many many many years. so even if these fuckers are showing me what i myself supported for so long they are showing me something in relation to myself and the oneness that is all of us. and i can support the fuckers without supporting the fuckery.

then i come home from orientation at my new job, third job (ba, nanny, *factory work), to find out my brother and sister(brothers gf) broke up. the brother and sister that just had a baby together four months ago. he told me he cheated on her. i told him he was on some complete fucking bullshit. he says he knows and he didnt mean for it to happen or to hurt her. our world is paved with "good intentions"... anyway i asked him if he was going to fight for her. he said he doesnt deserve to have her and he doesnt expect her to forgive him. i mentioned that my ex was not willing to deal with our bullshit with me either. and as he could see we are not partners anymore. i left to go and get my car title and tags and when i got back he had already moved out. ugh, now this was something i definitely had to bring back to myself. i have only had one boyfriend in my 28 years. my ex. and i did not cheat on him. but if uve read my blog u know that i have been apart of others cheating before. which,in actuality, means that i have assisted and supported and accepted and allowed cheating. which is, ive realised, unacceptable in any form. its grown from lies, deception, abdication of responsibility and disrespect of another person. all of which are at the forefront of much fuckery and bullshit in our world as a whole. within participating with cheating, whether its my cheating or anothers cheating, we accept and allow cheating to exist in the world. and i am aware that within a competition capitalistic based society someone will always want to cheat, compete and capitalize on another. more the reason why the implementation of another system that does not support this shit should be investigated. because our current system REQUIRES bullshit. u cannot NOT participate within the bullshit because its sprinkled all through our current system. an equal money system would support us to realise ourselves as equal to life. and realise the only thing that has value here is life. so we can weed out all this bullshit that is not supportive to us/the world at all.

and i continue to walk..

touchdown jesus

there is a church not too far from my house. in 2004 the church spent $250,000 to build this 60 foot statue of jesus made out of fiberglass and foam in which they insured for about twice that amount by adding in the cost for time that was DONATED by artist to the project of building this big ass jesus. this church has become "famous" because of this big ass jesus they have. people come from all over the world to get a look at this big ass jesus and sit through a sermon in the church next to the big ass jesus.



last year there was a lightning storm here in my city. the right hand of the jesus statue was struck by the lightning and the big ass jesus quickly burned to the ground causing $700,000 in damages to the area.



considering the beLIEfs of many christians one would think after the right hand of god was struck by lightning that religious people would take this as a sign. maybe that god would not be on board with spending $250,000 on a big ass statue of jesus when there are countless other practical uses for money.
lets see -- there is starvation world wide, people are dying of diseases that have cures because of the value placed in money instead of life, all people do not have access to clean water, all people do not have access to shelter and the current system accepts and allows this. so if we accept and allow the current system, we accept and allow and give permission for these things to be. for a group of people that say the core message they operate from is 'love they neighbor as thy self', supporting a complete and utter deletion of this accepted and allowed system of abuse and an implementation of a system that supports life would be step one in actually living the message of 'love they neighbor as thy self'.

BUT NO! first thought was to rebuild the big ass jesus. and this new big ass jesus is planned to be even bigger than the last big ass jesus. the church is planning to spend between $300,000 and $700,000 on this new big ass jesus. this new big ass jesus will be made of non flammable material and also come equipt with a lightning suppression system. take that god! try and burn this one down..

here comes PETA to add manipulation to the mix. but this time they arent attempting to use sex to sell veganism. this time, its god. PETA offered to fund the rebuild of touchdown jesus under the CONdition that the church place the words 'blessed are the merciful. go vegan' clearly visible on the new big ass jesus. darlene bishop, a co-pastor at the church, said in response to the offer, "we're not interested. we raise cattle. we will never build a statue with the stipulation that we would have to advertise for PETA."

many are protesting the rebuild. the leadership from the church says that the statue was a symbol, not for worship. "its such a monument. its like, people know monroe by the statue of jesus. its important that we rebuild."- darlene bishop. there are many question to ask here. why, the fuck, is a $700,000 symbol needed at all? do we want this symbol to display superiority to other churches and get attention? are there other practical useful things that can be done with this $700,000? why are we all not taking steps to make big changes but settle within small changes that barely have an impact on the totality of the world? is the goal to make an impact, or make a big ass jesus? reality is being ignored here. which is actually very common within people in general. people are so caught up within their beLIEfs systems and 'my world's that the whole of this planet that we all live on is being disregarded and thoroughly abused.

the system WE accept and allow is one that accepts and allows the attrocities in this world to continue. lies, manipulation and the stepping on of others are all pre requisites within the current system. it is undeniable, the fuckedupness of this system if looked at with self honesty. only takes for each one of us to give a fuck about us as a WHOLE and do what is neccessary for ALL of us to live a life of dignity and respect. this is why i support an equal money system. a system that values life, always. not profit, ever. in an equal money system the ideas that promote the seperation of us as a WHOLE ( religion, competition, class, ideas of superiority/inferiority, the polarized existance, etc ) will be addressed and eradicated. as they do not support the WHOLE but only the mind of the part. that is why we currently sit and what others die of starvation. because our part feels comfy and fed. so we dont really worry about what the whole is going through. this self seperation it the cause of all issues in our world. people not seeing themselves in and as another. this is unacceptable for our oneness is present in fact.

investigate the equal money system. a system of 100% change. a change in our collective mentality and our collective world. www.equalmoney.org

the illusion and the reality

in our world, currently, we are taught to value the illusion. we prefer the lie over the truth. we prefer to view the part and disregard the whole. we look at the truth with fear and an unfamiliar eye. its really fucking sick when really looking at what this means within our everyday world. when we look at how this value we give to the illusion over reality actually manifest itself.
lets look at giving to charity for example. the starting point for people who give to charity is wanting to help. yes. but lets look at the WHOLE of it. not just that very small part in which to look at. people want to help but our current defintion of helping is within a self accepted limited definiton. we currently help within conditions and limitations. that is not real help. so we want to help but the definiton of help we are currently operating from, well sucks. we see that there is a huge issue, take starvation for example, and we want to help with that issue. instead of coming up with a solution to irradicate the issue we settke for feeding a village. in reality, that does nothing for the reasons starvation exist. that does nothing for the reasons we as beings think it is ok to sit and watch another die. that does nothing for the reasons familys are not able to eat. it simply feeds a village once that will continue to need charity to be fed because the root of the issue was never looked at. charity is a slick little fucking business. the main illusion about charity is the illusion that we are helping another. charity is actually very self interested when all the points of giving and helping and paths to change are looked at. say i give money every month to a charity that feeds children. in actuality whats being done is me making myself feel better every month about the fact that so many kids need to be fed. and by continuing to be okay with helping the few we disregard the many. me giving money every month does nothing for the reasons children need to be fed. but i rest in the illusion that i am helping kids when in reality, i would be just helping myself.
i use to give value to an illusion as i disregarded the reality of the whole in relation to watching porn. use to fucking love porn. would spend some entire days watching porn. would tell myself, " im not hurting anyone. its just porn. everyone has sex what is the big deal about looking at everyone have sex? watching porn doesnt harm anyone. " even after starting this process of realising myself and taking notice to the things i never cared to take notice to before i was still watching porn. a couple of months ago i told myself, no fucking more. everytime i thought about watching porn i made a point to consider porn as a WHOLE. not just the part in which im naked in front of a computer. so what is porn as a WHOLE? porn, in a word, is abuse. most women do not want to do porn. many of these women came from shity households with people that touched them as young girls or parents that never guided them into realising self worth or beings that never got the opportunity to do anything different or being that developed a 'no other choice' attitude because of the way many of our children are raised or beings that were forced or sold into the business. porn is more than pictures on a computer screen. many young girls around the world are forced to prostitute themselves. some sold by their parents into the abuse for lack of money. i mean, one has to really be without to sell their child to be abused and raped. but this happens. business men fly overseas to purchase little boys for sex. this happens. but all the while this WHOLE of porn was happening i would focus on my "small' part in it. which was getting off in front of a computer as i accepted and allowed abuse. so whenever i wanted to rest in the part id expand my view to the whole and see myself within it. that was it for me and the illusion of porn.
i showed my sister this video of what we do to pigs at pig farms. she didnt want to see it and i kind of forced her to watch it because she was so fearful and resistant. she damn near cried watching how we beat the pig babies and castrate them while they scream in pain and throw the little babies around like garbage bags. now she says that i ruined pork for her and she doesnt want to eat it. we were at chipotle the other day and she didnt get any meat in her food. i asked her why didnt she get meat. she says she still liked chicken but she didnt like the seasoning on chipotles chicken and that it sucked that she didnt like the seasoning on chipotles chicken because their chicken is free range chicken. meaning the chickens are allowed to walk around as they please in open space instead of being contained. meaning my sister would feel better about eating the meat of chipotle chickens because they are free range not seeing that this disregards the fact that we treat chickens, as a WHOLE, like shit. now my sister and many other people i know rest in the illusion that eating or valueing chipotle chicken is actually helping the issue of the abuse of chickens when in reality they are helping themselves to feel better about the abuse. not helping to stop the abuse. not eating meat or a certain type of meat does NOTHING for manifesting respect of animal beings in general. its an attempt to take self out of the equation of collective responsibility. which is impossible.

let us stop resting in comfort within our illusions. lets shake ourselves up. burst these delusional bubbles and let us get real.