"it may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. we are like eggs at present. and you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. we must be hatched or go bad. " -c.s. lewis

Friday, December 17, 2010


so i decided to change the amount of sleep i was getting. in connection to the point of laziness. first night following this was cool. slept the 6 hours. got directly up went to the bathroom put on cloths then chaka and i went for a walk. its really snowy outside being winter and all. i really enjoyed the walk as did chaka. shes a little thing but has no hangups at all about the snow or being wet or cold. she pounces in and burys her whole head in snow banks just for the fun of it. and shes eats the ice chips and balls of snow out of her fur when we come in. shes so cool. no pun intended :). i wondered if dogs feel cold as we feel cold. because if is step bare foot into a snow pile, im gonna feel the chill. but chaka can run and throw her whole fucking body in a snow pile, and get up to do it 5 more times. but one of the dogs i live with doesnt really like the snow. finnegan. he goes to do his business then barks and barks and barks to be let back in. his fur is patchy and short and hes old so that may account for why he feels it more than chaka. but ive come to see that as finn just being bitchy when he wants to be bitchy. his ego probably. and i have experienced that animals can have egos. oh yes. wether they are learned or reflections or what im not sure. but ive seen em. especially being around finn. but i say its his bitchyness cause i have seen him take off in the snow some days. not showing any regard for the fact that all his paws are submerged in snow. just enjoying himself and not bitching about it. so yeah. interesting. one thing that i have noticed, and its been there and always happened but never really made notice of it, is that everyone believes chaka to be a boy dog. every since i have gotten her its , "hes so cute" "whats his name" "look at him". no one that meets or sees a picture of her asks or assumes that she is a girl. they go straight to boy. it doesnt bother me in the least. when they ask a question about my "boy dog" i respond with an answer about her. i say "shes is a cutie right" or "her name is chaka" or whatever. im never like, "OMG shes a girl!!" lol but it never fails. chaka is asexual lol. she doesnt give a shit so i dont give a shit. yesterday mid day like 2pm i was so tired. i dont take naps. but i really felt like my body needed to lay the fuck down. so i did. set my alarm for an hour. ended up sleeping for 3. woke up at 5 feeling a bit better but sluggish. got up. prepared dinner to be cooked and waited to hear from my brother that hes coming home to being the cooking. while watching a movie a little later on with my bro and sis i felt my period coming. now realisign where that need for sleep mid day came from. it was like...shit. ive never attempted to explain the feeling of this system activating. it was like, not pain, but uncomfortabliity. felt like activation lol. didnt feel "good" but it wasnt pain either. i dont take any pills. so i breathed through. by the end of the movie it was fully active. the uncomfortablity was much at this point. uncomfortability is the only was i can put this into words. i know pain from periods. i spent many years manifesting dibilitating experiences when it came to my period. this was not like that. i thankfully dont manifest that experience anymore. i went and laid down and didnt wake up until 930 in the morning. i went to sleep at 12pm or so. thats the most i have slept in a looong time. many months. i didnt judge myself for it. got up. went to the bathroom. put on cloths and chaka and i went for a walk. we had a great time as usual. i made a cup of tea then sat to write this.

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