"it may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. we are like eggs at present. and you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. we must be hatched or go bad. " -c.s. lewis

Friday, December 17, 2010


got a start date today! so excited. i start on the 3rd of january. havent heard back from the second job as of yet. if i do get this other job i will have three jobs in total. one thrid shift, one first shift and one sporatic. the 3rd shift job is at usbanks government lockbox doing data entry. $11/hour. we basically input the governments tax information. im pretty sufficient at typing and my 10key has been pretty fucking fast inthe past. havent done this job in about 2 years but i use to work here before. the first shift job would be taking orders over the phone for someones catalog. $9/hour. i havent done this type of job before. order taking. seems simply enough. and i dont have to swindle anyone into buying shit they dont need. they already know what they dont need and they are calling me to put their orders in lol. the sporatic job is as a brand ambassador. i have done this job for about 5 years. i basically represent companies at differnt events and promotions. i have represented different beers and liquors, the company axe, shell gas station, krogers. pretty much whatever company is having an event or promo. this job is easy. i get to choose when i work, where i work, if i want to work inthe first place. i get to interact with differnt types of people. we dont sell anything. always giving shit away. incentives or coupons to the product of whatever company i represent that day. sometimes i can make pretty good money doing this job, other times there just arent events. during the winter is a bit less promotions going on. so that fueled my laziness. id work when there was work and say fuck it when it wasnt. seeing as i had a roof over my head i wasnt paying for and food in my belly i also wasnt paying for. i have recently in the past couple months starting paying $100 a month to my bro and sis. i was a little pissy for about a minute upon finding out that id have to start paying (and it wasnt like "u have to or else!" it was like "we need u to") but that was deleted upon noticing. i am happy to help out around here. i clean a ton ( i enjoy cleaning :)) help out with the dogs, cook occasionally. the living situation is pretty cool here. it works to an extent. and if i was continuing to be rested in my laziness i would stay here. my brother and sister dont want me to leave. im a helper. i like to help. i enjoy kids and dont mind cleaning. but being here is fuel for my laziness. and they allow me being here to both help and hinder their own personal processes. my sis and i area alike in many ways. think similar. so if my brother is on some ignorant shit, we both call him out on it and it comes off as ganging up on him. so i dont hop on sides anymore. and she doesnt address his ignorance. so he doesnt address his ignorance. she feels better about speaking her truth when i am around because she gets strength from me and can also piggy back off me. and i like to help so im a bit of a two( ok 75:) centser sometimes. this is keeping her from realising herself and fully being the support for herself and being the fuel to find her voice in every situtation. and it doesnt seem like they talk about all the things they should be talking about within a partnership. and i see me being her as help to keep that going. they dont feel like they can talk about things cause im around. or they talk quietly without full expression and investigation because of worry about me being there. so me being here is helping and me leaving will be helping just as equally. equality rocks! i feel i need to build support for myself that can be maintained myself. i have had apartments in the past. but none alone. always had a roomate. some kind of a buffer. a helper. someone to lean on. so moving out on my own will be supportive in the aspect of being able to fully assist and support myself in every way. and i havent done that at all fully in the past. so this will be interesting.

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