a period, in my home, was not a shy subject.i know in many homes it is seen as gross or weird to discuss. in our society if we mention that we are on 'the period' or speak about 'the period' people freak out. its seen as being too open with things. 'the period' is seen as something NOT to talk about...
in my home growing up, it was a big deal. it was seen as a girls movement into womanhood. i guess that is solely based on the fact that a female can birth children when she has had a period. however i have come to learn that a female can birth a child before having a period. as the whole of the "period process" is already under way by the time the part comes for the female to start to bleed the blood out. so when, really, is this "move" into womanhood? is there really a move at all? arent women, women PERIOD? why plant the seed of separation from 'being a woman' (or less than a woman) to a small girl who couldnt NOT be a woman if she tried?...
but yes, a big deal. and once a female in my family got her period a couple of things happened. there was the special attention and catering to the need of the woman on 'the period'. it seemed like every woman wanted 'something' when she was on 'the period'. chocolate, peppermint tea, a favorite magazine, painkillers, certain dinner or drink...some kind of comfort something. this created the idea that 'the period' should have objects attached to it, fucking wow (so interesting when u walk urself out of an idea uve accepted without reason to find 'the reason' u urself created and allowed urself to accept)... so yes, my objects that i ended up with were a cup, a heating pad, and a specific brand of chocolate ice cream (< which i found, even before i learn about self awareness, that my attachment to it was not real but never considered why it was not real. it was not real because it was attached to an idea i had created around the experience of 'the period'. and i created this idea around the experience of 'the period' due to my mother who would feed special attention to objects during 'the period' and helped me choose mine as chocolate ice cream). ice cream is not something that we require to get us through anything. we dont require any object to allow us to move through life. we decided our movement through life. even if someone else will present us with an idea that we run with, it is still us that decides to accept, allow and run. all that is required is the movement of self to not accept ideas but to move as life. i dont desire to eat chocolate ice cream when i come on my period anymore.
another thing that happened, i found, was an acceptance of anger. the new idea that anger was a uncontrollable byproduct of 'the period' (or something. the idea that anger was because of something NOT myself). when someone was on 'the period' and had an attitude, the attitude was not dismissed, but it was understood. or given a reason. "shes on her period..." "she just came on...". so this was the first time i was presented with the idea of a "justified anger" or a "anger with a purpose/reason" or a "acceptable anger (week)". basically a collective reason why its OK for women to be angry at a certain time of the month or OK to expect a woman to be angry at a certain time of the month or OK to assume that a woman is probably on her period as to why she is angry. and this point was reinforced as i stepped out into the world to view how other people (men and women) considered 'the period'. damn, wow ->i am now seeing there is a connection to the way i had been experiencing myself within my period for years in relation to this point of the origins of my ideas on accepted anger. for years the way i would know my period was coming is i would get so pissed off or upset. i mean off the hip, "im so fucking pissed!..i hate everything anyone says or does!..i dont care! die!" type anger. while directly inside the 'pissed off and upset' i never did see it. it was after the heightened uncontrollable emotional state had dissipated that i was able to assist what i had just participated in. i created anger as an usher to my period.. very fucking interesting shit here. i stopped manifesting the experience of anger prior to my period just because of my movement to deal with my self awareness and my anger. but i did not see that this anger point had connections to my period as well.
the biggest deal that was made around 'the period' was the 'right of passage' now, my mother died over 11 years ago and i am not who i was when she was alive. i mean i am, of course, still me but who i direct myself to be is not who i was accepting and allowing myself to be when she was alive. so i had never asked her about the origins of this idea of the 'right of passage'. but what i assumed is that it was tied to my familys religion. which was a mix of rastafarian/hebrew/whatever we think is cool. the 'right of passage' was basically a big gathering where the whole family (sistren and brothern and their youths)comes together in celebration of the "right of passage" into womanhood. we drum drums, bang tambourines, dance african dance, talk, eat, and give gifts to the female whos 'right of passage' it is. i remember my older sisters. it was a big deal. i remember the weeks of getting things ready. it was a surprise to my older sister as they kept all the preparation away from her and my cousin. who had also started her period.. i remember my older sisters gift from my mother. we all use to have dreads growing up. all long locks down our necks and backs. my older sister, whos 'right of passage' this was, wanted to cut her dreads. she was receiving pressure from school kids and a disapproving CULTure of limited people. so my mother decided to cut all our dreads as we all did african dance shows around together. and she dressed us alike often. so all the dreads went. i was the only one upset (< i guess thats another point that can be addressed. it wasnt a huge deal to me but i did feel slighted as i did not want to "give up" my locks. but i digress..) but back to the reason for the digression, the gift. my mother saved my older sisters dread locks and made a doll of my older sister and had her dread locks sewn in as the dolls hair. she gave it to her at her 'right of passage' and she loved it. i thought it was such a cool and thoughtful gift. there was much jealousy within me i am seeing. i created feelings of inferiority within me...
then came my period. i had two older sisters and many older cousins who i watched get their period and go through the whole "period deal". but the 'right of passage' idea kinda stopped with me. and its something i didnt really understand. my parents were kind of tapering off on some of the things we were use to doing. we starting eating chicken and turkey.. but i remember thinking that i was going to get a 'right of passage' or some kind of celebration when i got my period as my older sisters had. but i did not. no cake. no family. no dancing. no music. no gifts. no oopla at all. all i took away from my first period was a mental addiction to hageen-dazs chocolate ice cream and a misinterpretation of the feeling of anger. i didnt make a big deal out of not getting a 'right of passage' but im seeing ive accepted and allowed some things to sit and fester in me as unaddressed in relation to the mental aspects of my period experience. as what i expect a period experience to be. one of feeling special, feeling great feelings, taken care of, fawned over, excused from things...
self forgiveness to come on this. cool..
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