the write reasons..

i got things ready all yesterday. packed for a little over a week for the trip im currently taking to california with my sister and niece. got things around the house ready to come back to. sat down to write my blog for the day and it really felt forced. i have seen this "forced" "rushed" point before within my writing of myself. looking at the timekeeper ive noticed it seems i wait until the end of the days time to write my blog. so i see, that is something i physically do to produce this experience of "rushed" that i get sometimes when i write. the waiting or impractical allocation of my time. looking at myself i see that i am getting to know self movement. real, self honest self movement. its not something i (or we in general..) am use to looking at honestly. and how to do it "best" is something that i am walking and testing and figuring out as i discern the manipulation and lies within how i am use to moving myself.

i first started to write about hair. my hair/black hair/hair in general. which i found i had more to say and dig into then time i alloted myself to write my blog for the day. though i already see the point of impractical time allocation.. so the writing began to reflect my ideas of "tons to write but i dont have time". and by that point,i didnt have time. i had time. earlier. which i used to do things other than write my blog. and ended up trying to squeeze in some self expression when its simply supposed to be flowing out as self expression.

then, when i saw that writing about hair would require more time then i had before i had to go to work and the day would be done, i tried to change it up. the initial point to address was hair. but i tried to change that to talking about the stuff we rub on our lemons and fruit to make them more visually appealing. the fruit rub was something that i was interested in seeing the purpose of within our world but it was not what i wanted to moving myself to write about. this "settling" i tried to do within my self expression felt like shit trying to come out through my writing lol. it sounded, well dumb. not real. fake. forced.

so, shitty starting point (rushing, force, focus on some idea of what it means to write or what writing should entail instead of the movement of myself within writing, moving myself for others instead of for the betterment of self as ALL as life.. ) = shitty results (the self creation of feelings of inability and confusion and stagnation within my movement..)

questions to consider before moving myself to write-- why are u writing?... any expectations/hopes of something to produce through ur writing?... any fears within ur self movement?... are u writing to move urself to realization through digging or are u writing to be read?...

POINTS TO ADDRESS

fear of writing a "shitty" blog..

desire to please whomever may be reading my blog..

fear of "naked writing"..

fear of "looking stupid" with my words..

purpose..

^self forgiveness to come..

seeing the future - what is missed

the other day my sister was watching the show 'heroes' in my room. this tv show is about a large group of people that are emerging within society that have abilities "not the norm" and all that goes along with difference as we have accepted it as "to be feared" in our world. i have already seen the entire series in the past so i knew what was going to happen or unfold. one of the 'heroes' is a woman whos ability is to dream the future. there is a part towards the end where she sees her son with a friend of his who she has had a "future dream" about. what she is shown is this friend of her son participating in killing a ton of people. from this she tells her son to stay away from her and that she helps to kill many people.

there is something really interesting that ive noticed within our societal depiction of being able to see the future. the characters usually embrace the future that is shown as definite. however, there is ALWAYS much that is not seen within what is shown as 'the future'. in this show the context that was not taken into consideration within this "future dream" that was being presented as definite was that this woman participating in killing tons of people was being moved like a puppet to exploit her ability to attract people to her through her music by another 'hero' with the ability to move anyone as a puppet. the look on her face was obviously distraught and in pain. only after having seen it a second time did i consider this (as the first time the excitement of the idea of being able to peer into the future or fear of what that really means kept me from seeing what was actually being shown in totality).

most movies i can think of with a "future seer" in them depict seeing the future the same way. as in the movie 'minority report' where there are pre-cognitive beings that see the future but they also focus on the 'what will be' and miss the context. whereas they see the flower but miss the seed from which it grew or the watering it took to grow it.

the point that is missed within our "seeing of the future" is that it is always the CURRENT ACTION that will produce the seen future. the future, even if we can see it, is not set in stone. even if one is able to see what will be that can ALWAYS be changed and adjusted with the change or adjustment of self movement. of action. action produces life. not ideas. and this point is always displayed within movies that deal with a "future seer". whether purposeful or not. whether grasped or not.

so, being exposed to this 'seeing the future' point again i see much of the context i missed within the way i looked at this show and all these movies that have "future seers" in them. also i see that we just keep depicting seeing the future this way. where it ACTUALLY IS SHOWN that we can always make the decision to move ourselves differently and not just accept what the current state of us will bring. most look at the future based on the result of their (and others) current actions and see detriment. war, starvation, murder, inequality, mistreatment... which will continue to be produced with continuation of certain actions. however, there are also many of us that are changing and adjusting ourselves from within. and when we look at the future, we see a system of equality and respect based on the reflection of our current actions. the future is not set but is action dependent. so to consider the state of the future is to consider the state of our current actions.

investigate>> www.equalmoney.org AND www.desteni.org <<