Sunday, October 3, 2010
changing my name
wierdness. so andrea hit me with the hi 'tree' (like i am not who i say i am and/or she is seeing this name for the first time) we are required to use our real names to participate on this forum. just wierd. i have known about desteni for a little over two years. just veiwing for a while then starting my process. it was andrea who got me out of a tough spot at one point early in my process. so i thought in email corresopndence i have talked about my name. i guess i am mistaking lol.. but why is it a big deal now? as far as the name being there so people are not able to hide behind them while putting out false words, i get that. which is why everything i do is under the name tree white. now my name is changed to terehas. which will serve as much contradiction because it is not my name. not my facebook name. not my blog name. not my birth name as far as the world is concerned. i dont wirte it anywhere. no one calls me that name. its been let go of in terms of when we found out that my name was legally terhas white. and so i adopted my childhood name tree. its just wierd. and im just so over people telling me what i have to go by and what my name is legally or non or what i am able to write on my papers. its been too many years of that bullshit and i dont see what the big opla is. if anything HAD to be changed it should be changed to terhas. i dont usually care about my name. but when others do, it brings me back to that, 'whats the big fucking deal?' place ive been at when dealing with this whole what is my name thing. if terehas is what they want it to say is my name, then fine. like i say, what is in a name anyway. but for purposes of disclosing who i really am, its wierd.
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See, there is something you react to in regards to your name. You throw a tantrum - "fine, let them have their way". A suggestion is to explore this in more detail - what is it about your birth name you don't like or perceive it to be, etc. What do you like more about Tree, what does it mean to you - I mean look at it from all the perspectives. And then apply SF.
ReplyDeleteif we go by real names to connect to the real us in the world, unable to hide behind anonymous words then undersand that everything else i do operates under a differnt name. terehas doesnt really exist. u ask what it is about my birth name that i dont like. if by birth name u mean what my parents wanted my name to me, then thats a whole other story. my mom wanted to let my dad pick my name. he wanted to call me teresa. my mom said no last minute and they thought they named me terehas. but they actually named me terhas. too much. i have always went by tree. its more my name than anything else. other than that i go by my legal name terhas white. i dont "not like" the name terehas. when i thought it was mine i was fine with it. it means blessing in swahili. or thats what i was told growing up. and terhas means pillow. both names placed upon me neither of which define me. tree i placed upon myself. not that it defines me either, but it connects me to the rest of me out there. its simpler. i do agree that the fact that i did have a tantrum like reaction to the name change says something needs to be addressed within me in regards to my name. which name? im not so sure lol. so i will have a look at them all and apply sf where its needed.
ReplyDeleteWell if you don't like your birth name, why don't you just change it legally, as I also did? It is not big deal, at least in our country. By having one legal name and using other to represent yourself, you are, for example violation FaceBook rules so your profile can be blocked, and also if someone would search for you by your legal name, they would not be able to find you. So lying is never a good choice for a long run, even if you have tons of excuses and justifications.
ReplyDeletegood point valentin. i dont want to be lying about my name. dishonesty is not the starting point of going by the name tree. i will look into changing my legal name to tree. cut out all the bullshit. i will still look at my names and my associations with them. that still needs to be addressed.
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