stuffff

so i found out i am losing my job next friday. its such a janky ass job anyway. i cant find a job that i like doing. im trying to look for something that i can do that isnt so self compromising. when in actuality i'll end up doing the next thing placed available. gotta fucking work. i'll probably end up going to cincinnati bell. which is still doing sales. forcing or fanagling people into buying shit they dont really need and making them care about shit that dont matter in order to make them buy shit they dont need. which is the reason why i stopped going to school. i was tired of dealing with the ends and out bullshit of enducation and learning. i have a very different definition than the educational institutions. my marketing major kept reminding me of the bullshit of the world and all the manipulation there is down to the very core of who we are as a people. i had to stop my participation in this bullshit form of education. i decided if not having a degree makes me a "loser" or "uneducated" or a "failure", then i'll deal with those labels until they are demolished. its better than being a graduate to me.

the boyfriend and i had a fight last night. it hasnt gotten any easier, this relationship, but he did tell me that he actually read all my blogs and everything i ever placed on the forum. so that was cool. even though reading it and getting understanding from it are two different things. so an agreeance between us on things still isnt quite there. i find myself judging him a lot of the time. i need to make a point to stop when i see judgement and unequality attempting to direct me. its been a lot harder to "check" myself on all my bullshit since i have been working and submerged into this job. easier to face myself, but harder to check myself. but ultimately shit is only as "hard" as i allow or manifest it.

...its funny cause my uncle lee died from cancer a week or so ago and when i left the funeral i stopped and got food and headed home. by the time i got home i was getting a call from my bank, which i never do and have never since ive had the card. this guy was calling to tell me he happened to be glancing throught the files and saw that i overdrew my account at the food place. he offered to move a bit from my savings to my checking to cover the overage. i was like wow thanks i had no clue that it was over drawn. i was gonna hang up then something told me to ask what his name was. and he said, its lee. so i told him where i had just come from and he said well i guess i was meant to be glancing there at this moment for u. so i thought that was pretty cool. little adios from my uncle lee i suppose.