life for rIFLEs

i listen to npr often. i enjoy it. they talk about real shit.

ive been hearing lately about this story of a man that was contacted by a prosecutor from his hometown of guatemala with information that he was one of two survivors of a massacre in dos erres that went down many years ago during a civil war within guatemala. now, this made him, oscar, take a step back. as he considered himself having had a great life. his father had died in an accident when he was just 4 years old and he had never met his mother. he was raised by his grandmother and other relatives and he was raised to love and respect and honor his father. the soldier. however, oscar was not the son of a soldier. oscar was actual a kidnapping victim.

the man who oscar loved and revered as 'his father' was actually a "random" lieutenant in the government military. witihin guatemala there was civil war between the government and the guerrillas know as the fuerzas armadas rebeldes (FAR) or rebel armed forces. the dictator in guatemala, efrain rios montt, wanted the guerrillas found and killed. all of them. he had his men go to the small villages that were suspected of hiding the FAR.

after the guerrillas killed a group of government soliders and secured rifles (20 rifles i find our later with research), this was taken as a personal attack to the ego of the dictator. he set out to teach the guerrillas "a lesson" by way of the villagers he was sure were hiding them. he sent a team of skilled killers (these men were in charge of torturing and questioning prisoners and ultimately killing them, hands on killing). they were called the kaibiles, which means ':having the strength and astuteness of two tigers'. their motto is "if i advance, follow me; if i stop, urge me on; if i retreat, kill me."

the kaibiles set on the village in dos erres as they were informed by intelligence that the rifles that were taken were there. they went in dressed to the t as the FAR did. as to set up the blame, for whatever went down, to go towards the guerrillas. they stormed the village at about 2am... they kicked in the doors of all of the families and got them out of their homes. they searched for the rifles but found none. they then split the people up. women and children in the church. men in the school.

a young girl, about 12 years old, was grabbed up and taken a few steps away to a field and raped by lieutenant cesar adan rosales batres who was a very high ranking officer. in front of her family. and as the kaibiles motto states, "if i advance, follow me.." and so they did. the "lower ranking" men were given the go to do the same to any they saw. there were many rapes. all the women and girls were raped and then forced to cook meals and feed their abusers.

the first to die was a child. a baby. a soldier took the baby and threw the baby in a large well that was about 40 feet deep. the soldier did not want to do this. but as the kaibiles motton states, "if i stop, urge me on..." and so they did. the soldiers continued to throw children in to the well.

they began to bring people to the well a bit at a time. they would question them about the rifles and the location of the. the villages protested they knew nothing and cursed the men. they were hit on the head with a hammer and thrown into the well. many still alive. the soldier who was giving this account on npr was asked how many people does he think he brought to the well/to their death. he estimated around 15 people. they asked him, why? why did u continue to bring people to their doom knowing this was not the thing that should be being done. and he said if he had tried to protest, they would have killed them. as the kaibiles motto states, "if i retreat, kill me.." and they would have gladly.

after much time and many murders there were not many villagers left. the soldiers rounded up the women and children that were left. one pregnant, one with her child, two young boys.. the women, at this point, were beside themselves. having witness and been through what they had (rapes, beatings, watching family raped and killed). they scream to the soldiers that they are not animals and they know they are going to be killed and do not want to be taken into the woods to do so. they wanted it to be done right then and there. when the men started to get angry with the women and grab on them, the two boys ran in to the woods. the one crouched behind a tree trunk and sat quiet as they sent shots his way. they then rounded up the women and shot them all. they went to each of them and shot them to make sure they were dead. something they did not do for many within the path of this massacre which continued. they never did find any rifles...

by morning the children wandered back into the village. they were rounded up by the commanders. two young boys (and with research later it seems three young girls as well. they were raped and strangled.). both boys were of mixed race, lighter skin and eyes. one commander, the baker, decided to take the older boy. and the younger boy was taken by oscar's "father". oscar ovidio ramirez ramos. who he, subsequently, renamed oscar at three years old and brought him home to his family and introduced him as his son.

really interesting the way we follow.

follow thoughts..

follow feelings..

follow ideas..

follow others..

follow orders..

follow hearts..

follow directions..

follow fears..

^none of this shit is self. we dont consider that THAT is where the issue lies. that we are not ourselves currently. we have accepted and allowed this illusion of self, of life. all this shit we follow is NOT who we really are. all those soldiers that followed those orders to kill (and even those who enjoyed it) were not moving as themselves. they were moving as orders or fears or generational taught acceptance. many seeds are planted within children that manifest men like the kaibiles.

really interesting interview..

the physical

the physical is very supportive if one is paying attention and not trying to make factual things out of fictional thoughts- but remaining here and present within movement.


for example...

if one is eating and in the mind thinking about all kinds of shit ("do i look weird eating this way?" "maybe i should go on a diet.." "my car and job really suk." "i wonder if that guy will ask me out.." etc) then one is not here with the food and the fork and the body and the chair and the table in the physical. one is in the mind and the mind is not HERE physically present with the food and the fork and the body and the chair and the table. can one touch a thought? no. thoughts are not physically here. and the physical is always here and moving without malice or judgment or goodness or hurtfulness or morbidness or a rosey outlook. its simply here. so- if one is eating and in the mind one may bite their tongue. this happens and we get pissed. pissed at the tongue, at the food. we say "damn! I bit my tongue!" but yet we fail to realise that the physical is supporting us to realise that we were not physically HERE to stop OUR OWN teeth from biting OUR OWN tongue.

if one is driving a car and in the mind thinking all kinds of shit ( "these drivers are all such bad drivers. im a good driver." "damn if i dont hurry im going to be late then i might get fired and i NEED that money!" "i hope no one doesnt hit me.." "i wonder what everyone is going to be doing this weekend? maybe there is a party going on. i need a drink." "my car is so ugly. i need to get a brand new car like that person over there.." "damn i wish i had more money to get..." etc...) then one is not there with the car and the wheel and the road and the people in the physical. even singing and being SO into "your song" creating emotionality and bringing up memories regarding said song is not the practical way that one should drive. it is very important to be HERE while driving, while doing anything actually but in this example while driving. it takes a split second of driving while in the mind to miss a needless incident coming ones way. and this happens so fucking often that it really saddens me that we dont individually/collectively take notice to this bullshit and pay attention and be present while fucking driving. not being HERE is the cause of most accidents and deaths on the roadway as well as deaths for animals(which is needless because the road does NOT belong to us only. it belongs to ALL equally. even animals that simply need to pass). wether that 'not being here' is attributed to tons of thoughts going through ones head, being fucking drunk/tipsy (i cannot count how many of the people that i know drive after they have been drinking even though we KNOW KNOW KNOW that self is not present when alcohol is involved and that this causes many accidents and deaths. where is care?), being fearful of others on the road or speeding/rushing and disregarding others on the road. and then when an accident occurs everyone is pissed off and we look for one person to blame. we dont collectively teach and advocate practical ways of being a human being. so everything that comes after that bullshit starting point (driving, playing, working, school systems, the law, our idea of giving, our idea of helping, birthing human beings, our hospital system..etc) has the potential to manifest into bullshit as well. as shown in the state of the world currently.

if one is walking and in the mind, not HERE in the physical, one might trip and fall and break/scrap/injure a part of ones physical body. THAT is the physical trying to let one know, "hey, u were not here when this what about to happen to us. so if u are not HERE to direct u/us, where ever u are (in the mind) is directing u/us". then we get pissed at "luck" saying oh i just have such "bad luck". we never want to see ourselves within the bullshit. its always some other reason why this or that has happened. its never because we accepted and allowed it to happen. which is, in actuality, the ONLY reason anything happens in this world. by our individual/collective acceptance and allowance.

i have gotten into car accidents, hurt other people in various ways, *slit the tendons in my hand for which i now type with 9 fingers only, walked into walls or doors, stubbed my toe, dropped and broken things, hurt animals, wasted food, missed appointments, missed opportunities to help others, missed opportunities to change the world needlessly -all because i was not paying attention. being in the mind instead of being HERE and present within consideration of all (things and people) in my actions.
what about u?
consider all the things that have gone on/do go on in the world because we dont pay attention to the whole in relation to the things that we do. wars, rapes, murders, slavery (historical and modern day), killing off of animals, ruining portions of the earth in which we ALL reside on, placing value in money instead of where value belongs -in life-, starvation, disregard of life...

eating, driving and walking are just three of the things that if done while in the mind manifest bullshit in the world. consider the fact that we have been doing EVERYTHING from the starting point of the mind (with a self interested chaser..) since the beginning of time. all the while we completely miss that being physically HERE is key to stopping all the "whoops" and "oops" and bullshit in the world that we "dont know" how or why it continues to happens.

the mind/thoughts cannot be trusted. only the physical, what is HERE and verifiable and touchable, can be trusted. the mind says one must survive and strive to be the happiest one can be in this world. the physical proves that NONE survive ultimately. we all die. that is assured. that is verifiable and touchable. yet we all carry on trying to attain this mental idea of "surviving". like we can. the physical also proves that there is plenty here for all to live a dignified and happy life if one thinks of ALL in relation to self and do what is best for ALL -which includes self-.

attention is the only bill that is free to pay. but we, as a society, push it aside so very often...